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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27540673">If I Had a Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catatonica/pseuds/Catatonica'>Catatonica</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, But not explicit, Canon-Typical Violence, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, F/M, Gun Violence, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Trauma, as much in character as possible, he's the good guy here!, it is strongly implied, not by Vaas tho, well kinda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:48:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,260</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27540673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catatonica/pseuds/Catatonica</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Your empire includes the chinese ruins deep in the underground of Rook Island. For many years now you have been living secluded and lonely, content with yourself and your own little world. But this wonderful world is shaken by Vaas, who unexpectedly falls into your life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Vaas Montenegro/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Creeping and cracking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey guys, this work is a bit older, from 2017 to be precise. If there are any mistakes I'm very sorry, English is not my first language :/</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Panting, Vaas struggled for breath as he pushed the fern leaves to the side in front of him and almost stumbled through a root. Behind him he could hear the wild roar and hiss of the tiger, which had surprised him during a walk around. The animal had only killed two of his men, became much angrier from the bullet wound to the shoulder, and had finally attacked Vaas, who saw a fierce sprint through the undergrowth as his only chance of survival.<br/>Now he was tearing up whole plants as he rushed further and further through the jungle. Branches broke under his boots, vines were torn off as he made his way through the dense foliage. The big cat chased him mercilessly, furious and hungry. The pirate could feel the tiger's hot breath in his neck, the greed with which he was hounded. But his muscles burned like fire and his lungs rebelled painfully.<br/>He should smoke less, the thought occurred to him.<br/>In front of him he could see a stone slope and with a slight touch of panic he thought about how to go on. This slope could have an abrupt end as a cliff, but it could also lead only half a meter down and then continue down the mountain. He would probably have to take his chances!<br/>"Shit!"<br/>It was a canyon.<br/>Vaas started to jump, but a loose stone broke off under the heel of his boot and made him stagger at the edge of the small gorge. Rowing with his arms, he tried to find his footing again at the edge of the crevice, but with a loud curse he fell forward. The deep black gap between the rocks was barely more than a meter wide, but it seemed to be very deep. Vaas bounced his upper body against the opposite edge as he slipped into the gap. A groan escaped his lungs and he tried to find support with his hands, but the dry, sandy ground gave him no chance to find anything to hold on to. With a choked scream, Vaas slipped through the ever narrowing stone shaft, down into an uncertain darkness.  <br/><br/></p><p><br/>You drove up from your bed in shock and pricked up your ears. Tired, you rubbed your eyes, sure that you had heard something unusual. It could just as well be that you had only dreamed the whole thing. Your lifestyle had made you a bit paranoid, so it could just as well be that your bad dreams had caused a false alarm.<br/>Exhausted, you sank back onto the camp bed, which you had padded with blankets full of holes.<br/>Your lifestyle was hard and demanding, but you enjoyed your absolute freedom.<br/>Deep under Rook Island, in the ruins of the Chinese, was your home. Years ago, you had chosen an old temple, made makeshift repairs and taken up quarters in it. You lived as a loner below the tropical island, living from the plants and animals you found in the cave system. It was such a rough and hard life, but better than surviving under one of the parties on the island. The Rakyat were not very friendly sent to you and you were certainly not so stupid as a single woman to face the pirates or the mercenaries. They were lousy rapists and cruel torturers. You had your reasons to keep yourself on the sidelines. You felt safe down here, surrounded by snakes and Komodo dragons. During the day, the rays of the sun shone on the dilapidated temple, falling through the cracks in the stone ceiling. This was enough to grow small amounts of vegetables. Next to your small vegetable patch was an even larger patch, fully grown and lushly covered with all kinds of herbs.<br/>You cared for your herbs with much love, it was something you earned your small living with. In Bad Town you regularly traded herbal mixtures for the food you lacked, such as flour, sugar and occasionally ammunition. You had taken the Ak-47 from a dead pirate that had crashed through your ceiling. Lucky for you, because although you had a weapon now, it was raining through the roof.<br/>Your life was really not easy. But at least you had your peace!<br/><br/></p><p>In the morning, when the first parrots cackled loudly in the roof, you stretched your tired limbs and yawned heartily. That was one of the advantages of being an outsider - you could sleep as long as you liked.<br/>Quickly you reached for your clothes, pulled your pants over your bottom and pushed your arms through the crumpled shirt. A small lizard jumped out of your boot in panic, after which you reached for it. You had gotten used to all the little inhabitants in the ruins years ago, they didn't bother you at all anymore. Green and gray little lizards, centipedes, parrots and snakes - they all belonged in your dirty little world. But that's the way you liked it and that's the way it should stay.<br/>Strapped the Ak-47 on your back you went on your daily tour to examine the traps in the remote corridors of the tunnel system. Maybe you were lucky today and a deer had somehow gotten lost in here. Although you knew that the chances were very small. The temple you used for living was located in a closed area of the ruins. A landslide four years ago had closed the passage to the outside world and the only way out was up. If you wanted to reach the surface of Rook Island, you had to climb. That had made you a very skilled climber, because even though you rarely visited Bad Town, you were often on the surface to spy. The Pirates, Mercenaries and Rakyat had been fighting a fierce battle for the island for ages and until now Vaas and Hoyt seemed to have the upper hand. Would that ever change?<br/>Your footsteps carried you further and further through the shaded corridors, past small streams, fern forests and moss-covered cliffs. Heavy wooden scaffolding from the Chinese inhabitants stood around in ruins and you knew every piece of wood like the back of your hand. So it was even more irritating that in the middle of the path there was a piece of a broken wooden beam.<br/>"You don't belong here after all...", you growled suspiciously and pressed yourself tightly against the stone wall. Were there intruders here? So had the pirates finally gained access to your home?<br/>Carefully, you peered around the next corner, where an old scaffolding had been standing. That's where the piece of wood must have come from, I'm sure. You could see at first glance that the scaffolding was broken. There were beams scattered in the adjacent corridor and some stones had fallen from the surface. You could not see any movement, so you concluded that it must have been an animal. Sometimes wild boars overlooked the cracks in the ground and fell down. That meant for you that there would be an abundant dinner. Pleased, you turned the corner, pushed the rifle back on your back and approached the destroyed scaffolding.<br/>Frightened, you stopped in the middle of your movement. You saw two black boots, followed by a motionless body.<br/>"Oh Shit...", you mumbled softly and leaned forward a little to see the man's face. "Holy shit."<br/><br/></p><p>You squatted next to the unconscious vaas who lay in the rubble of wood and ropes. He must have fallen down, his fall braked by the ancient scaffolding. But now he lay there, completely unconscious. He was still breathing, you had checked. You had quickly put his weapons out of his reach in case he woke up. But he was so out of it, it could probably take a while. Carefully you had begun to examine his body. He had some cuts and bruises, but they were not too bad. What was really alarming was his broken shinbone, which you now examined with great care. With that, he probably wouldn't be able to climb out of this shithole so quickly. So it was your decision now: help Vaas or let him die cold?<br/>You watched a small ray of sunshine that continued to make its way across the ground minute by minute. It was after noon and your stomach slowly started to growl. But you still hadn't made a decision about the leader of the pirates. You had watched him often. He was cruel, sadistic and all in all a bad person. You could not trust him and he really did not deserve to be helped!<br/>On the other hand, you did not feel very comfortable letting him die just like that. Your conscience just couldn't bear that a person died because of you. As a herbal witch, you probably had some kind of code of honor, but you weren't sure about that yourself. Anyway, you felt sorry for him. Even if you didn't realize how you could feel sorry for such an evil person.<br/><br/></p><p>You had settled down at a safe distance from the pirate when you noticed the first movement in his body. At first it was only a short twitch, then the pirate came to himself through the pain and groaned in agony. He grabbed his left leg, but cried out hoarsely as his hand reached the broken bone in his shin.<br/>"FUCK!", his voice roared through the stone passage and you rose from the shadows. He didn't notice you immediately, but as you approached, his gaze caught on you.<br/>"You broke your leg," you said and nodded upwards to the incoming sunlight.  "You fell quite a long way, eh, Vaas?"<br/>He didn't answer, just buried his face in his hands and tried to suppress a sound of pain. You watched his tortured posture and then sighed. You crouched down next to him and pulled a syringe from your shoulder bag.<br/>"This is a painkiller."<br/>"Fuck off," he growled, but groaned again as he tried to move.<br/>"Sure, I can fuck off," you replied coolly and rubbed your neck. "But you couldn't be an asshole and realize that you're pretty much lost without my help.<br/>Again no answer from him, but he did not disparage you when you grabbed his arm and drew up the syringe on a small vial of morphine. Your gaze fell on the bruised crook of his arm. It would be fun to find a vein there...<br/>An exhausted sigh made you look up and you realized that the morphine was working. You pushed a piece of cloth into his mouth and sat back a bit to get a good grip on his leg.<br/>"Bite down hard on it. I'll repair the break." You looked up at him and he gave you a look of hatred. Idiot. "This is gonna hurt like hell, just so you know."<br/>With a jerk, you pulled his leg down and the muffled scream from the young pirate sent shivers down your spine.<br/>"Sorry...", you muttered with a barely audible murmur and picked up four sturdy sticks that you had previously recovered from the rubble. You put them on his leg and tied it together with some rope.<br/>"It will take a few weeks for it to heal," you explained to Vaas, but he seemed too dazed to understand a word. "Come on, get up."<br/>You pulled the heavy body up with all your strength and you put his arm over your shoulder to support him. Wordlessly Vaas hung by your side, eyes half closed and completely high on morphine and pain.<br/>"Come on, one foot in front of the other."<br/><br/></p><p>It took forever for you to maneuver Vass the usual 20-minute walk to the temple. He could barely walk, you pulled him more than he walked beside you under his own power. The stairs to the temple were a very heavy obstacle and you almost feared you would have to carry him on your back - not to mention that you probably wouldn't be able to do that at all, the man weighed a lot more than you did. But after a quarter of an hour you both had mastered the steps and you dragged the almost unconscious pirate to your own night camp. You let him slide from your side to your cot, where he lay moaning and his head fell to the side without strength. You looked at him for a few seconds and turned your eyes inside out. Mighty leader of the pirates, yeah right!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. You better stay awake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Here, eat something." You put Vaas a small wooden plate with pieces of mango and banana on the small table next to the camp bed. He ignored you, of course, staring demonstratively at the cold stone wall at the other end of the room. You shrugged your shoulders inside and ate a piece of the mango yourself. If he didn't want to, then he didn't. Only without food - and especially without vitamins - his injury would not heal very quickly. What a stubborn man, really! What did he think would happen? That by some miracle he could suddenly walk again? First of all, this was prevented by the absolute absence of miracles in the universe. In addition, he was so knocked out by the painkillers that he would not be able to stand on two healthy legs.<br/>After another brief glimpse of the pirate, you stepped up to the temple's unhinged gate and whistled once loudly through your teeth. After a few seconds you could hear a loud flutter and a tame crow landed on your shoulder. Also some parrots followed your call, but were scared away by the loud croaking of your pet.<br/>"Don't always be so mean to them," you scolded Noir. You had raised this tame bird from a very young age when you had thrown it out and found it alone in one of the tunnels. Noir was your only friend down here, even if he was only a bird. He sometimes brought little treasures to you, but only if he got a treat in return. Sometimes he disappeared for weeks, but he always came back to you.<br/>Now he sat on your shoulder, puffing himself up and pressing his claws demandingly into your shoulder.<br/>"I have nothing," you said to him, but he croaked loudly and you held a small piece of mango in front of his beak. He snapped at it, but dropped it immediately and looked at you insulted from his little black button eyes.<br/>"You don't like mangoes, I know." Gently you stroked his shiny plumage and looked through the gate back to your home. The altar was full of little medicine bottles you had gotten for vampires from Bad Town. Morphine and antibiotics, mostly. A broken bone like that was dangerous because you were not a doctor. Fixing a fracture was not for laymen and yet you had done it. A lot could have gone wrong! Fat embolism was just one of the nightmares that were possible. Of course, you had thought about getting a doctor down here - but you did not want to endanger your empire.<br/>You felt Vaas look on you and looked over to him. His brown eyes hung on Noir, who was jumping up and down restlessly from the visit on your shoulder. He croaked briefly, then flew up into the roof framework and watched the injured man from a safe distance.<br/>"Miracle healer, hermit and trainer," growled Vaas in a scratchy, exhausted voice. "You are a real miracle child."<br/>You answered nothing in reply, just turned away from him and bent down to his things you had taken from him. A handgun, an assault rifle and a knife. Some drugs that you threw into the small fire bowl that lit up the temple vestibule. You did not want these things here. They had already ruined your life once before and you did not like to remember that.<br/>With one skillful move, you secured the two weapons and turned towards Vaas.<br/>"I know exactly who you are." Your gaze touched his deep brown eyes and a wave of anger rolled over you for a moment. He was such an evil man, why did you help him? "That's why I'm going to get rid of these."<br/>Quickly you walked out of the temple to a crevice in the rock, a few meters away. The crack was not wide enough for you to fall into, but big enough to dispose of the weapons inside. You threw the two assault rifles inside - Vaas and your own. Who knew if he wouldn't pick himself up and execute you with your own rifle. But the 1911, his handgun, found its place in the waistband of your trousers. Better safe than sorry. You would not hesitate to shoot him when it came down to it.<br/>Back in your temple, you leaned in a seated position with your back against the altar, your eyes on your patient.<br/>"Are you still in pain?" you asked quietly, but no answer came. That was probably a yes. You brushed your hair from your face and sighed up.<br/>"I'm not doing this because I think you're so great. "Or because I'm afraid of you. I'm only doing this because I'm not as bad a person as you are," you said coolly and observed whether he reacted. His gaze flitted from the ceiling to you, but he stared away from you again. He was like a stubborn child, you thought. A stupid boy with a pistol and without limits. A very, very precarious mixture.<br/>The fruit still stood untouched on the small bedside table and you sighed again. Such a stupid, stubborn boy!<br/>"Here." You threw a bottle of water on his chest and sat on the edge of the bed. "Let me have a look at your cuts."<br/>Waiting for a reaction again, but he didn't say a word. Why didn't he talk to you? Otherwise he could not keep his mouth shut! Whenever you watched him, he would scream, yell and order everyone around. But now he was nothing - dependent on you and weak. He withdrew into himself, knowing that without you he had little chance of getting out of here alive. Besides, he really seemed to be in pain, as cramped as his body was.<br/>Stubborn, poor boy.<br/><br/></p><p>After you had bandaged two of the cuts and found the others to be less severe, you took your place at the altar again and placed the 1911 one next to you, within reach. All night long you would watch him and not sleep. He was injured, but Vaas was a very dangerous man and, as is well known, injured animals only became more threatening. Pushed into a corner, they bit all the faster.<br/>With every hour your eyes became more and more tired, your head nodded a little to the side, but you immediately got up and looked at Vaas. As far as you could tell, he was asleep - but that could also be due to the enormous amount of morphine you had given him. Sleep was important to heal wounds. Sleep, food and drink. Tomorrow he would really have to eat something. But you could hardly force him to do so!<br/><br/></p><p>With the first rays of sunshine you rose with aching backs and stretched yourself extensively. A quick glance at the pirate told you that he was still fast asleep. You reached into a small wooden box in which you stored fresh fruit far from the sun. Patiently you peeled a mango, a banana and two kiwis. Again you put them on the night table, hoping that he would forget his stupid pride and finally give himself a kick in the ass.<br/>With stiff bones from the uncomfortable night you went outside, enjoyed the first sunrays and strolled past your garden to a small waterfall that sprang from a spring in the mountain. The water was very cold, but still you kept your head and hair under it. The cold gave you tingling goose bumps on your neck and shoulders, but it also awakened your spirits, so you washed your hair in the fresh spring water and then expressed it with your hands.<br/>Much more refreshed and awake you went to the garden and took the rusty watering can to fill it at the waterfall. It was time for the daily watering and with great joy you saw that your new shoots were already stretching the first leaves for light.<br/>"That's right. Keep growing," you muttered to the little seedlings and watered them with great care.<br/>You loved your plants, took care of them with the greatest of care. Herbs and vegetables were your passion, you were a botanist through and through. Plants were so grateful for light and water, they grew everywhere, even under the most unfavorable conditions. They were little heroes in your eyes.<br/>A sound from inside the temple made you look up and you saw through a gaping hole in the temple wall that Vaas was stirring. You stood in the shadow of a cool mountain wall, so you could watch him in peace. He sat up on the cot, his face distorted with pain. Then he looked at the plate of fruit and reached for it - you smiled with pleasure.<br/>But when he threw the plate with the fruit against the wall, the gentle smile disappeared from your face and you breathed heavily. Good, then he would apparently starve to death. It was not your problem if he refused to eat.<br/>"If you don't eat, you will die," you said softly and looked directly at Vaas. He avoided your gaze, but grabbed the bottle of water and took a sip. But that wasn't enough for you - after all, you had to give up many of your herbs for his damned medicines! If he starved himself to death out of pure stubbornness, you took that as an insult!<br/>"Enough." You reached into your shoulder bag, took out some handcuffs and with a click they snapped around Vaas wrist. The other end you attached to a metal ring on the wall. Not that he was still running away from you, huh?<br/>"What the hell," he rumbled, but you ignored that and in 1911 you slipped these into your waistband.<br/>"I'm going to get you something to eat. Protein. Meat." You turned to him, angry and frustrated. "Because unlike you, I hold life sacred. And that of other people, too! And I swear to you, if you don't eat, I'm gonna stuff it down your throat!"<br/>No answer, as expected. You threw your bag around your shoulders and started to climb up to the island. He would eat whether he wanted to or not!<br/><br/></p><p>You pulled the fishing line towards you and out of the water with a powerful jerk. A thick, shiny fish wriggled at it and you quickly killed it with a knife. You shoved your slippery, wet prey into your pocket and nodded contentedly. You rolled up the fishing line with great care and stowed it in a small tin for peppermint sweets. It also slid back into your pocket and you looked around furtively. Nowhere could you hear a vehicle, but after a few minutes' walk through the jungle you heard loud voices coming closer.<br/>Immediately you ducked behind a big fern and pressed yourself close to the ground. The grass tickled your face, but you held your breath and listened intently.<br/>"Just disappeared. It's unbelievable."<br/>"I'm sure he's dead."<br/>"Yes, I think so too. Vaas was a real asshole anyway!"<br/>Pirates. And they seemed to have noticed Daddy's disappearance. He had only been with you for one night, but you knew that the leader of the slave traders dressed in red would probably never just stay away. Then he couldn't chase anyone around anymore.<br/>But the question was, would they look for him? I don't think they talked about him the way they did. But Hoyt was one henchman less now - you were just almost sure that Vaas was easy to replace for Hoyt. He was an even bigger asshole than your patient.<br/>You waited a few more minutes until the two pirates had disappeared around the next bend of the path until you dared to continue. Bent and as close as possible in the undergrowth, you crept to the ruins that hid the descent back to your home.<br/>On the way down, you thought about where to go from here. His recovery would take a few weeks, and the healthier he became, the more likely he was to attack you. Well, at least you had him chained up for now. Still, you were a little stumped as to what to do with him now. Maybe there was a solution all by itself.<br/><br/></p><p>"Fish." You held a plate of juicy, wonderfully smelling fish under his nose. You had disemboweled your catch and stewed it in herbs - it just smelled heavenly! And now he needed protein, just like vitamins. And if he didn't want the fruit, then maybe the fish.<br/>He did not look at you dismissively, he stared at the wall. He pretended that you weren't there and you gave an angry growl like a cat of prey. Now you had gotten this shitty fish and he was still sulking!<br/>Wordlessly you got up, left the plate at the end of the bed and left the temple, foaming with rage. What a lousy asshole! Why did you help him?! You couldn't just throw him out now, although you liked the thought. Angrily you clenched your fists and had to breathe in and out a few times to calm down again.<br/>You toyed for a second with the thought of where you could get a funnel, then you heard a loud rumble from above. A thunderstorm was approaching and you regretted once again not having fixed the hole in your roof.<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Underneath and inside</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rain constantly pelted down on the tropical island and drowned it in fog and floods. It was still very warm and the humidity had risen to unbearable levels.<br/>Frustrated and angry, Vaas lay on the uncomfortable camp bed and tried hard not to think about the stabbing pain in his body. The annoying splashing of the leaky roof did not help much. His injured leg hurt like hell and every little movement reminded him unpleasantly of the broken bones.<br/>How could he have slipped off this shitty edge? Why couldn't he have landed two inches further forward? Then he would have made it and wasn't in this totally shitty situation now. Found by a crazy hermit growing vegetables in the tunnel system of Rook Island. He had already experienced a lot of things, but this was new!<br/>She was apparently trying to pimp him up, but what did she get out of it? Was she going to hold him hostage and hand him over? No, she was not the type for that. She was a naive person, someone who believed in good.<br/>Bull. Shit.<br/><br/></p><p>He looked out of his exhausted, brown eyes at the entrance of the temple where he saw you, sitting in the middle of the rain on the path in front of the building. You were soaked from top to bottom, your clothes were sticking to your skin, but that didn't seem to bother you. Your eyes closed, completely relaxed, you sat there enjoying the rain.<br/><br/></p><p>Vaas gaze was directed to the plate at the end of the bed where the fish still lay. It was cold by now, but the grueling hunger that rumbled in his stomach drove him to enjoy the still very tasty smell. He had a terrible hunger, but he simply did not want to give you the satisfaction of feeding you like a child. If he wasn't so handicapped, he would break your dainty neck immediately!<br/>But unfortunately that was not possible. His leg was absolutely immovable and you had even collected his weapons. He cursed you silently, kept staring at the temple ceiling. But he had pulled the plate full of fish closer to him and tried to eat as little of it as possible. He died of hunger, but he would not admit that your food was really damn good. If he ate only very, very little, you would certainly not notice, he speculated.<br/>"But hungry, huh?", he heard your soft voice and looked to the altar where you were leaning. A gentle smile played around the corners of your mouth and he froze.<br/>Fuck, you got him after all.<br/>"It's okay, I'm just glad you're finally eating something," you waved and sat down on the edge of the bed with a syringe drawn up. Suspiciously Vaas eyed the drug and tried to avoid your gaze, but you caught the questioning eyes and smiled a little wider.<br/>"Morphine. I can see that you are in pain all the time."<br/>He didn't care about the pain as much as he did about the withdrawal he was going through. He wanted to fix, all he could think of was his fucking drugs - a little morphine came in handy.<br/>After you gave him the drug, Vaas was overcome with the wonderful feeling that the world was warm and soft - and perfectly fine. With drugs the world was beautiful and not full of betrayal and disappointment. The world was bad and had never held anything but injustice for him and destroyed dreams and ideals. But drugs made it much easier to ignore all the suffering and just keep going; day after day. Over and over again, over and over. Until one day he would die and that would surely be soon. You didn't get very old on this shitty island; dying young was the law of Rook Island.<br/>Vaas had already come to terms with the fact that everything would come to an abrupt end some years ago. That's how things worked out in life. You dreamed of a warrior's life and of becoming a tribal leader, then your family betrayed you and you had to decide which way to go. But in the end it didn't matter which way you chose for your life, everything inevitably led in one direction: Death.<br/>"You should sleep. Then you can get the hell out of my home faster," he heard your voice above him. The morphine made him incredibly sleepy and his anger at you and the whole situation vanished. You had leaned lightly over him and probably wanted to see if he was already asleep - but all Vaas took to sleep at that moment was the color of your eyes - a clear and wonderful color that followed him into his dreams.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>"They are back!" Hurriedly, the boy rushed to the main gate of the great temple to intercept the warriors. Excitedly he hopped from stone to stone, almost falling over his own hurried feet, but found his balance just in time before he made acquaintance with the dirty ground.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>With big brown eyes, Vaas watched the brave Rakyat warriors walk through the gate, armed with spears and bows. Hanging from a thick bamboo pole, they carried a thick, lush wild boar as prey.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"Padre!" Vaas hastily caught up with the leader of the troop, his father. "Did you kill the pig? Of course you killed him.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>His father looked down at him for a moment, but then pushed his son away harshly and without a word he made his way into the temple. A little disappointed, Vaas looked after him, but then shook off this feeling and assured himself that his father had very important things to do.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"Citra! Come, they are back!" The boy ran to the corner of the courtyard, where his little sister was playing in the sand with a small wooden figure carved from wood. Citra, six years young, looked up and squealed with delight when she saw her brother. She jumped up, ran to him and was grabbed by the young Rakyat's hand.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"You see, they have bagged a lot of booty!" Citra immediately let herself be infected by Vaas recklessness and started jumping up and down excitedly.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>But both children stopped as if rooted to the ground when the last warrior passed the gate. Something hung over his shoulder and after Vaas first thought that it was an animal, he recognized a white girl, unconscious. A fine trickle of blood ran down her head and he assumed she was about his age.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"Citra, go to madre! Immediately," he instructed his little sister, and confusedly nodded the little black-haired girl and hurried off to her mother inside the temple.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"Mano! Mano, who is that," cried Vaas excitedly and ran beside the stately warrior carrying the girl. Mano looked down at the boy and growled.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"We found her in the jungle. Crying over the body of her mother, who was apparently torn by a tiger," he growled his answer. "Tried to run away, she fell off a ledge."</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"She's bleeding!"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"And?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Vaas looked at Mano angrily until he sighed and threw the girl into his arms. With a groan, the boy was buried under the little girl's lifeless body and landed in the dirt.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"Then take care of the little white bread."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey, wake up!" Vaas wiped the blood from the girl's forehead with a damp cloth and looked at her curiously. Her skin was so light, much lighter than his own. Her arms were thin and powerless - had she never hunted for pigs in the jungle before? Or read tracks to find a Komodo dragon?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>She didn't move, looked almost dead. But when Vaas put his hand on her neck and gently pulled her head up from the ground, her eyelids flickered and for a split second his heart stopped when he saw her deep, beautiful eyes. He had never seen such a unique color before.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Unfortunately, he was startled from his thoughts when the girl screamed out in horror and pushed Vaas away. With eyes wide open in fear, she moved a few meters away from him on the floor. She was shouting something in a language he did not understand. I wonder where she came from, if she spoke with words he didn't know.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Thick tears rolled down her cheeks and she jumped on her shaky legs. With great caution and very slowly, Vaas rose up, careful not to make any jerky movements.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"Don't worry, I won't hurt you," he said as calmly as possible, but the girl cried all the more. With a sudden jerk she ran off, past the boy and with stumbling steps to the gate of the temple. With a curse he ran after her, but for such a delicate little figure she was impressively fast.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"Stay where you are!"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>She ran on and on, tears on her cheeks and up to the ruins of his home. He did not want her to run any further, for not far from the temple entrance there was a deep shaft that reached down to the ancient ruins of the early people. But she could not know that!</em>
  <br/>
  <em>A shrill screech reached his ears. He saw the delicate girl's body disappear into the ground and with a swing he threw himself on the ground, slipped on his stomach to the crack in the earth and caught a small, thin wrist.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"I'll hold you tight," he shouted to her and the boundless panic in her beautiful eyes broke his heart. The muscles in his arm began to cramp painfully and with a desperate groan he realized that he would not be able to hold her. To call for help would also be pointless, nobody heard him in the holy of holies in the heart of the temple.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"No!" It was the fraction of a second when the color of her unforgettable eyes burned into him. Her tender hand slipped from his fingers and all he could hear was a desperate cry.</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>With a choked outcry Vaas drove up, but immediately regretted it again, as his leg demanded a hoarse groan. Cold sweat covered his body and a severe nausea lay in his stomach. It demanded a lot from him not to vomit.<br/>He had not had this dream for ages. If you could call it a dream - it was a memory of his early childhood. Something he had locked up in a dark part of his soul many years ago. He never wanted to think of that day again, never again feel that deep, pure guilt.<br/>And as suddenly as this side of him had appeared in him, just as quickly he pushed it back into a dark, remote side. Gone was the brief surge of humanity, destroyed by the cruel reality and the stabbing pain in his shattered bone.<br/>His gaze wandered outside, where it was still raining and where you still sat silently on the stairs, soaking wet and satisfied with the world. He watched you briefly until you turned to him and looked at him with big eyes. Your big, beautiful eyes.  He remained inwardly short, thoughtful.<br/>That was impossible. The girl twenty years ago had died, right before his eyes. She could not have survived, the fall would have killed even a grown man. It was not possible that she could have survived that!<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The dark comes knocking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hold on." With Vaas arm over your shoulder, you lifted him off the bed. With his teeth clenched, his free arm resting on the wall, he stood up, still very shaky on his legs. His weight was heavily on your shoulders and you helped the pirate to make the steps to the gate.<br/>Two weeks had passed and Vaas had recovered very well. Although his leg was still broken, he was making progress - at least he was eating.<br/>He still wasn't a man of many words and was silent - but that was fine with you. In your wonderful loneliness, visitation was not usually planned, and just as Vaas was a mad psychopath, you had become a mute hermit, far away from all the noise of other people. Sure, you had already toyed with the idea of leaving Rook Island a few years ago. But something kept you here, on this godforsaken island of death and misery. You didn't quite realize what it was, but you couldn't leave this damn piece of land even if you really wanted to.<br/>And now twenty years had just gone into the country, had made you a strong, independent woman and opened your mind to all the secrets of nature. Some of the nutcases from Bad Town called you a very wise healer, but that made you laugh. What did wisdom mean if you couldn't share it with anyone? Your knowledge would pass away with your death, you were well aware of that - maybe this very knowledge was your very own wisdom.<br/>You lowered Vaas on the stone stairs and escaped his grip on your shoulder. Soon he would be able to return to his camp in the east of the island, his little island full of sin. Drugs, hookers and violence - that was his world, not yours. You could hardly wait for the day when he would finally disappear again!<br/>"Here." You handed him a ripe mango and a small knife - the big hunting knife was of course on your own belt. He threw an annoyed look at you out of his brown eyes as he patterned the small vegetable knife. His gaze slipped across your waist to his own knife, but you shook your head gently.<br/>"You'll only get that back when you piss off out of my house," you growled and sat down next to him on the stairs. You pulled out a book that you opened - a completely tattered novel about a bad dalliance that you had read at least 43 times. But there was not much choice here in the jungle, so you had no choice but to read the book again.<br/>You are enjoying the last warm rays of the sun, leaning against a stone pillar and immersed in the dramatic attempts of the main character to win over the female counterpart by a double game of life and death. What kind of kitsch, you grimly thought, but what were you supposed to do - stroll to the nearest library and get a caramel latte on the way? Negative.<br/>Vaas enjoyed annoying Noir. He threw pieces of mango at the black bird's feet, but your feathered companion croaked indignantly every time he noticed that it was mango and not fish.<br/>"He will pay you back if you don't stop," you growled to your guest and Vaas paused briefly.<br/>"Then I will roast him and eat him."<br/>"If you do that, you can assume that I won't be very pleased and retaliate."<br/>He gave you an amused look.<br/>"Retribution?"<br/>You sighed, slammed the book shut and rubbed the bridge of your nose.<br/>"Don't get on my nerves," you rumbled, but secretly you meant no harm to him. In the last two weeks you had noticed that Vaas was a psychopath, but could be quite bearable when he wanted something. In this case of course food, painkillers and a bed. You toyed briefly with the idea of letting him sleep on the cold stone floor - but what good would that do. Then he got on your nerves even more and you had to prevent that at all costs.<br/>"If you're fit enough to annoy my little buddy," you set out and took a look at the last rays of sunshine that made Noir's plumage shimmer nicely. "Then you can finally leave soon."<br/>No more words from him, which calmed you down a bit.<br/>"One week. Then your leg was not yet completely healed, but you will be able to get out of here!"<br/>He looked at you briefly and seemed to think. Then he nodded wordlessly, took pity on Noir and threw him a piece of fish, which the bird immediately devoured greedily.<br/>You noticed that he often stared at you when you were not looking closely. And every time you caught his deep brown eyes, he looked away quickly. As if you did not notice that he stared at you like a colorful dog! Once you had already asked him about it, but he denied it, of course. But why did he stare at you all day long?<br/><br/></p><p>In the depth of the night you sat again on the stone steps of the temple, your eyes raised high into the starry sky. You looked for the constellations your father had taught you in the past. The great chariot, Orion - they were the easiest to find.  <br/>But you looked up when you heard a sound beside you. Vaas had risen from his camp, limped towards you and settled down beside you with a groan.<br/>It was the night before his departure, and he was able to walk around all by himself again - if you could call the limping and hobbling walking. Tomorrow you would take him upstairs, to the surface of the island and accompany him a little way until he could make his way to his island. Would the pirates there even accept that he came back? After three weeks of his absence, there was probably already a new lunatic leading the troop.<br/>You said nothing when he gave you a long look and stared high into the night again.<br/>Inside you hesitated briefly - would he thank you? But then you immediately rejected this thought again, because before Vaas would thank you, wild pigs learned to fly!<br/>"Well then." You stood up and held out your hand to him so that you could pull him from the stone floor into a standing position as well. After a second of hesitation, he took your hand and let you help him up.<br/>"See you in the morning." You gave him another look out of big eyes and he just nodded.<br/>You were uneasy about sleeping when he was still awake, but something told you that he wouldn't kill you last night - especially since he still couldn't get out of here alone without you.<br/>You let yourself fall with a groan on your bed for the night, which consisted of an old camp bed and about half a dozen sheets, and closed your eyes, your ears pointed to your surroundings and with a queasy feeling in your stomach. Without Vaas it would be terribly lonely again - but actually you loved your loneliness?<br/><br/></p><p>In the morning Vaas was already awake - or had he not slept at all?<br/>You watched his figure at the entrance of the temple for a minute, then you turned around and tied your hair up to free your neck from the sultry heat that tormented you today.<br/>"Pájarito, you are awake." You frowned briefly as he apparently gave you a pet name. Was that an insult?<br/>"Yes, I am." You joined him and sighed deeply. Briefly and concisely you explained to him how the ascent to the surface worked and how he could climb the rock more easily with his still immobile leg. He watched you, nodded and apparently remembered everything you said - you had never seen him so concentrated.<br/>His hand went up while you flinched a little bit in front of him. But against all expectations he stroked your cheek, gently and with great care. For a fraction of a second you enjoyed this touch very much - it had been years since someone had touched you so lovingly.<br/>"I want you to know something", you heard his rough voice and you looked for his gaze. "I'm incredibly sorry for what's coming now."<br/>Within a second he had grabbed you firmly and painfully in the neck and pushed your head against the stone wall. You groaned, but instantly sank into a deep unconsciousness.<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. You better start running</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Vaas held your motionless body, let you sink gently to the ground and paused briefly. He was really sorry. You were so tender and naive - and yet a real fighter. You had helped him, saved his life. But now it was time for him to go. He had a post to defend and some idiot would have claimed the place as Hoyt's Right Hand by now.<br/>He took a quick look at you before he went down the stone stairs, with only a slight twinge in his leg. He had been feeling quite well for a few days now, considering his deep fall. But in your presence, he had still played the seriously sick man, to lull you into a kind of security.<br/>Of course you knew him - and knew what he was capable of. He paused for a split second and asked himself: "Yes, what was he capable of? Would he kill you now? He knew your hiding place, not to mention your existence. He would never have thought that anyone lived in these old, rotten ruins, and then it was you of all people?<br/>He shook his head, could not believe this ridiculous coincidence.<br/>His mother used to talk about destiny, which the gods had intended for everyone - bullshit. But since he met you, this thought never left his head. Were you supposed to meet again? Or was it really one single cosmic hiccup that led to your meeting?<br/>He snorted contemptuously, pushed these thoughts aside and took his hunting knife from you, which he put on his belt. Therefore he kept away from women - they spread a depth in which every man sank and questioned himself. And when men began to question themselves and their ethics, good people were easily lost. It was not uncommon for a pirate to put a bullet in his temple - but this was much more common among mercenaries.<br/>A soft cawing made him look up from his reflections and Noir sat on the stone floor in front of the temple, in a sunny spot and ruffled his feathers in the pleasant warmth.<br/>"Take good care of Pájarito," Vaas growled at the bird and made his way to the rocky slope that separated him from the jungle. Now a steep climb and he was back in his own world - which was so much louder and more dangerous than this one.</p><p> </p><p>A faint groan escaped you when you awoke. Your skull was booming and you wondered for a moment why you were lying on the floor - oh yeah. The asshole had ambushed you from behind. What a lousy scumbag!<br/>You got up and held your head, it was throbbing in your skull. Uncomfortable' didn't really describe the situation and you stayed in your seat for a moment to get yourself together. The world revolved around you and you were sick. Noir came jumping to you, found a place on your knee and bounced up and down, seemed almost worried about you - or just hungry.<br/>"So daddy just fucked off, huh." On the one hand it was good that the pirate was finally gone, but on the other hand you were also a little queasy in the pit of your stomach.Vaas now knew where the entrance to your home was. Would he come again with reinforcements and take you prisoner? There was nothing to plunder here except your vegetables and herbs - most likely your notes on botany. But what could pirates do with them? Only money, drugs and weapons were worthwhile for this pack.<br/>"Let's eat." You lured the black bird onto your shoulder and slowly and thoughtfully rose to avoid being caught in the vertigo again.<br/>But a glance at your provisions told you that the food was not going to be enough for the time being. Everything was empty, except for a can of tuna fish that had been standing with me for a while and was certainly spoiled by the heat. This meant that despite your headaches you had to go to Bad Town to get something to eat.<br/>You took a quick look out of the big hole in the temple wall to check the state of your herbs. Some of them were ready to be harvested - the vegetables, however, needed a few more days. You decided to go up into the jungle after your stomach growled worryingly loud.<br/>"Today of all days," you growled to your feathered friend, but stood up and rubbed your aching neck. You didn't feel like going into the jungle now, especially since it was late afternoon - how long were you unconscious? - and at night it was even more dangerous on Rook Island. You had learned to avoid the predators, but you didn't want to meet the pirates, nor the rakyat. Although the people did not bear any grudge against you, they still preferred to stay away from the warriors. Who knew if they would not consider you an enemy after all. Once you had made acquaintance with them, and so you had found your way down into the depths of the island. You did not want to know what would happen if you met them again.<br/>"Let's go." You set Noir down on the altar and set out to find your equipment.</p><p> </p><p>Vaas gave Kemson a good kick in the skull. The pirate didn't move and that was no wonder, considering that there was a bullet in his head.<br/>There was a deep silence over the camp and all eyes were on Vaas, who was still holding the gun in his hand and looking at the men with his angry, calculating and at the same time challenging look. No one held his gaze for long and of course no one dared to stand up to Vaas. The leader of the pirates was back and James Kemson had claimed the place for himself, but he was now only food for the scavengers.<br/>With the pirates it was like a pack of wolves: only the strongest earned their respect. And killing for that was perfectly normal here - that's how this hierarchy was built, on the decomposing corpses of those who were too weak to prevail.<br/>And that is exactly what Vaas was doing. He turned away when nobody dared to stand against him.<br/>"Where have you been," Jenson suddenly shouted and gave Vaas a suspiciously questioning look as the black-haired man turned around again. Jenson leaned casually, with a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, against a barrack and waited patiently for an answer.<br/>Vaas took a step toward him, a threatening sparkle in his eyes. Sure, on drugs he was already unpredictable - but when he wasn't high, the former rakyat could think clearly and was even more dangerous.<br/>He stopped a few meters in front of Jenson and did not break eye contact, even when he put his 1191 in the holder on his belt. Vaas licked his lips briefly and built up the aggressive tension even further. He enjoyed the fact that his people were afraid of him. It gave him power, and power gave him support. Underground, he had realized how small he was without the power on this island. Then he was nothing - hollowed out by the bitter reality.<br/>"I still had some vacation left," he finally growled at Jenson and watched the slightest movement in the face of his former right hand. It took a second for Jenson to grin and nod with a harsh laugh.<br/>"You got it, boss."</p><p> </p><p>A large fern leaf covered you from the eyes of the pirates patrolling the sandy paths of Rook Island. They talked loudly about Vaas return to camp, which made you sit up and take notice. So he had found his way back to his island and immediately took his place as leader of the pirates - that was to be expected.<br/>You slowly straightened up when the two men were out of sight, your assault rifle at the ready. With watchful eyes you checked the road once more before you hurriedly walked over the wide sand road, ducked if possible to avoid being spotted by further patrols. If a pirate saw you, you would be in big trouble - and caution was better than leniency on this damn piece of land.<br/>Quickly you moved on in the protection of the lush flora, with Bad Town as your target. The inhabitants of the small, dirty town knew you by now and were wise enough not to betray you. They gladly bought your herbal mixtures from you - the next contact point for rare herbs was the mad scientist on the west side of the island, Dr. Earnhardt. You didn't have much love for the old man who was a botanist just like you. You had only dealt with him personally once before, since you lived underground. He was high on his mushrooms and had hardly been able to talk to you properly - you had quickly left and had been doing your own research ever since.<br/>You stopped abruptly when you heard footsteps. Crouching down, you sat behind a large specimen of monster leaf, careful not to make a sound. Two pirates stopped right in front of the plant and if you made a single noise, you were blown. You even held your breath, fearing that they would hear your heart beating.<br/>They were talking briefly about a problem with the mercenaries on the island's border with the South Island when your foot slipped a few millimeters under your body weight, causing a tiny pebble to bounce down the small hill and, to make matters worse, crash into an empty gasoline barrel. A soft, dull thumping could be heard and you fervently hoped that they hadn't heard it.<br/>There was no reaction from the pirates, except that they stopped for a moment and looked up at the gasoline barrel that had made the noise. Adrenaline was pumping through your veins, ready to sprint off immediately and take off, but they continued their conversation, which made you relax a little.<br/>The blood froze in your veins when you heard a deep growl behind you.<br/>"Gotcha, bitch!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. My my, it's a bad day to be alive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So they had caught you.<br/>So after all these years of caution, you had fallen into the hands of the pirates after all. I wonder what awaited you now. Human trafficking? Enslavement? Were you sold to a brothel? Or did they simply kill you and use your insides for organ trafficking? Who knew.<br/>You leaned your head against the cold, dirty wall behind you. You were sitting in a small room lit only by the light of the rising sun. It seemed to be a cellar, dark and damp. You sat on a dirty, worn out mattress, your hands tied at the wrists with a simple rope. The rope scratched your skin terribly and you had the suspicion that you had already rubbed your arms. You immediately thought of four herbs that would help well against irritated skin, but they were far below you, in the depths of this island. And you were trapped here, ready to be sold as a slave. What a huge shit.<br/>You got up, your back pressed against the wall and sat out of the tiny, barred window. This really was a basement - you could see the floor and some grasses at eye level. You couldn't see more than that, it was still too dark outside. The sun was already over the horizon and you realized that you had been unconscious for several hours. Two blows to the head in one day - hence the hellish headache.<br/>After a quick glance you realized that there was no escape from this room. It was a closed cellar with a heavy metal door that you couldn't possibly break open. And you weren't a natural at picking locks, so that's why you couldn't - especially since you didn't have any tools and your hands were tied. So what now?<br/><br/></p><p>A few more hours had passed when you heard a heavy rattle and creaking at the door and pressed yourself tightly into the corner with rising fear in your chest. What would they do now?<br/>"Get up!" You were grabbed roughly by the arm and a pirate stinking of alcohol pulled you up from the floor. Roughly he pushed you in front of him, into the rising sunlight. Your eyes were burning in the sudden brightness and you wanted to pull your arms in front of your face for protection. But your forearms were prevented by the fetters.<br/>You were thrown violently onto one of the cars and the convoy started after a few minutes. Fear crept up your throat - where did they take you?<br/>Only when you arrived at the northeast coast of the island did you realize the destination of the short journey. Vaas Island was only a short distance away by boat and you had hoped that you would never have to see his camp with your own eyes.<br/>Vaas stood in front of the big warehouse and seemed to give instructions. With his back to you, he couldn't take any notice of you and before he could turn around and look in your direction, you had already been dragged into a dark shed. Your tormentors squeezed you into one of the camp's crumbling buildings and threw you face first into a new dark hole. It seemed to be a kind of storage room, designed for prisoners. The window was barred with bars and the door was locked from the outside with thick locks. You wouldn't get out of here so quickly.<br/><br/></p><p>All his fault. Why did he have to rush into your life, of all things - literally?<br/>You had to bite your lower lip to ignore the painful lump in your throat. You did not believe in hopeless situations, but now you were in deep shit.<br/>Rolled up on the rags that served as your bed, you tried to suppress the trembling in your muscles. It wasn't cold, but an icy, dark hand had clung to your heart and wouldn't let go. Here on Rook Island, far worse things than death could happen. The pirates had no morals, and once they got it into their heads that you would be easy prey, it couldn't get any worse. These men were animals and not for nothing had they become pirates and slave traders. What they lacked in character, they made up for in cruelty and drug addiction. They were all monsters, especially Vaas - he led this troop of lunatics, on the front line.<br/>It was all his fault.<br/><br/></p><p>You had spent the first day uneventful, hungry and thirsty. Your bones hurt terribly from the hard stone floor, and after the first night you could hardly move your neck, that's how painful it was.<br/>But this was no comparison to the pain that followed. Your lip was chapped and you tasted warm blood in your mouth. The crack on your cheekbone was also bleeding and a bruise was already beginning to appear under your skin.<br/>You spat some of the blood out of your mouth and looked up reluctantly at the pirate who was interrogating you. They wanted to know where you came from and where you lived. Who you were. You didn't say a single word and only took all the more blows for it. Tears were not allowed - you were too proud to let them see your pain.<br/>They had tied you to a wooden pole in the large square in the middle of the camp, in the scorching sun and more than a whole day without water. In short, you were in a bad way.<br/>"Come on, now spit it out," the man growled and kicked you hard in the ribs. You pressed your cracked lips together so as not to make a sound. For a split second you thought your ribs would give in to the kick, but for now your body held out - but how long would you last?<br/>"Little bitch," mumbled another and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Otherwise, women always babble like parrots."<br/>You gave him a deep, hateful look, which he acknowledged by grabbing you by the hair and turning your face toward him.<br/>"We're gonna get you to talk, bitch."<br/>You swallowed violently against your tears and tried to resist his gaze, but then your eyes receded and you stared at the ground, resigned. This afternoon would be damn long.<br/>"Jameston! Martez!"<br/>Your two tormentors turned to the source of the voice and saw Jenson coming toward them with a shouldered gun.<br/>"It's both your turn to patrol. And don't think only you two can have fun with the little bitch." His gaze rested on you and a disgusting goose bumped across your back. Something told you that he was a very unpleasant contemporary - worse than all the rest of the damned things.<br/>Jameston and Martez left with a murmur and Jesnon wanted to turn to you when he was called. He hesitated, then turned to go.<br/>"Don't run away," he growled to you with a disgusting, slimy tone in his voice. Your stomach aches got worse - you had a lot to fear from this man.<br/>Your gaze wandered through the camp as you sat alone in the middle of the camp, your hands tied behind your back to the wooden pole. You watched attentively, because every little thing might get you out of here.<br/>Wrecked cars, stripper bars on pedestals and sofas stood around. Here and there lay a hung-over pirate who slept off his intoxication from last night. Two bamboo cages stood at the edge of the small fortress, but empty. You looked up to the big warehouse at the head of the camp and just at that moment Vaas came out between the big metal gates. He nested around on his belt, then looked up and let his gaze wander over his piece of land. At first his eyes wandered over you, but then he stopped and looked right at you. You stared at him, full of anger and hatred. It was everything, everything, his fault.<br/>His facial expression changed from cheerful to serious when he saw you, and as inconspicuously as possible, but still very quickly, he strolled to you. He crouched down in front of you and briefly examined your injuries.<br/>"What are you doing here?" he hissed, as inconspicuously as possible. You sparkled at him hatefully and intoned a deeply sarcastic tone of voice.<br/>"Oh, I thought I'd drop by and we'd have a coffee together," you hissed between clenched teeth and leaned forward a little. "What do you think?!"<br/>"You live in the ruins for 20 years without anyone knowing of your existence, and then you get caught?" he returned coldly and looked around furtively to see if anyone was watching you. A nice chat with the merchandise was a bit conspicuous after all.<br/>"Fuck you," you countered angrily and tugged at your shackles.<br/>He looked at you again in an estimatory manner, then rose and left - without another word. You followed his steps to the warehouse, but he did not turn to you again. A frustrated groan escaped you - he was your only chance to get out of here unharmed!<br/><br/></p><p><br/>Vaas leaned against the cold steel of the warehouse wall and rubbed his neck. Stupid cow, had let you get caught like a chicken. Now you sat in the middle of the camp, tied to a stake and bleeding like a pig. Not only that, he knew his men, and he would have to keep the worst of them away from you until he got you out of here.<br/>He felt more contempt than sympathy for you, but he still owed you a favor. Because there was no way around it - you had saved his life. Now he seemed to have to do the same for you - to stand there in front of his men like a weak fool at the risk of his men.<br/>Vaas was most worried about Jenson. He was a good man, a good pirate - but a damned pig. He did things to women that even Vaas found repulsive. He would keep an eye on him around the clock. Jenson wasn't allowed to have the chance to be alone in a room with you.<br/>Vaas shook off those annoying thoughts and reached for his beer, which he had left on a hood. He sipped the drink, examined his collection of car wrecks for a moment and started thinking about a decent plan to get you out of here.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Lying in sweat and tears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the heavy door opened, you caught a brief glimpse of the camp before your attention was drawn to Jenson, who approached you threateningly. You looked at him blatantly, with a mixture of contempt and fear. You knew what was coming. You knew Jenson well enough to know that he didn't stop at any morals. You could only hope that it was over quickly.<br/>He was tampering with the waistband of his pants, trying to open them, when the door swung open behind him and Vaas rushed in to grab his collar and throw him against the wall.<br/>"Jenson!" he growled viciously and squeezed the air out of his henchman with his forearm, pressing on his larynx with tremendous force. "You know the rules, hermano."<br/>For a fraction of a second Jenson narrowed his eyes calculatingly, then raised his hands defensively and nodded as far as his immobilized neck allowed him to.<br/>"Sure. The boss gets to go first."<br/>Vaas let go of him and Jenson took off, but he glanced suspiciously over his shoulder before finally disappearing.<br/>You sat in the back corner of the small room and watched Vaas close the door.<br/>He paused for a moment, waiting to see if Jenson would come back, but everything remained quiet except for the occasional bawling and screaming of the pirates in the camp. Then he walked the few steps toward you and looked at you questioningly with his brown eyes.<br/>"Do you want to get out of here," he asked you, and you thought you had misheard. What a rarely stupid question!<br/>"No, I like sitting in the dark without food! Great service, really!" you hissed angrily and rose staggeringly. Hunger tore at your strength, but you didn't want to let on too much. You stared angrily into the eyes of Vaas, who took on an indignant glow.<br/>"You should be glad that I sent Jenson away," he replied violently.<br/>"Do you really think he was the first one to come to me," you replied poisonously, turning away to hide the tears that came over you. You pushed the sleeves of your top down to cover the bruises you had been wearing. Vaas could be so naive.<br/>He took a step back in dismay when he realized that he hadn't been able to save you from the worst - he had been hanging around your prison as often as possible. None of this had helped, and now the only thing left for him to do was to let you escape from the camp for good. Then the two of you were even and could go back to your own lives.<br/>"Tonight I will open the door for you."<br/>He turned to leave, but then he paused and looked at you once more. You stood leaning against the wall, your back to him. He did not see your face, but he noticed the deep trembling that went through your body.<br/>You cried silently into yourself.<br/>How could he blame you after your days in captivity here?<br/><br/></p><p>Vass kept his word. In the night there was a soft click on the bolts of the door and with a squeak it opened. You pushed your way out through the small crack and looked Vaas right in the eyes, who was standing right next to you.<br/>"There is a hole in the fence behind the warehouse. You can swim to the main island, it's not far," he whispered to you and looked around suspiciously.<br/>"That makes us even."<br/>You looked at him, for a few seconds you examined him extensively. You still knew it was all his fault. If it wasn't for him, you wouldn't have had to live through that nightmare.<br/>You leaned forward so that he could feel your breath on his skin.<br/>"We will never be even," you breathed to him and your eyes sparkled with rage and hate in the dark night.<br/>Without another word you turned your back on him and disappeared into the shadows. Vaas looked at you for a moment, but then turned away and went to his warehouse to go to sleep. Anger rumbled in his stomach and he knew he would not sleep well.<br/><br/></p><p><br/>You lay awake for most of the rest of the night. As fast as you could, you found your way back to your home and were the first to get rid of your dirty clothes. Now, after a cold shower, you lay wrapped in two blankets under the small waterfall near the temple. You tried to sleep spasmodically, but your head raced and you were just happy to be home again.<br/>Noir had not shown up until now - disloyal bird! For days you had disappeared and he didn't even ask about you. But maybe he had found someone else to feed him, who knew. Someone who did not live such a strange life as you did.<br/>You turned on your side and sighed deeply. Your thoughts kept racing and you realized that it was no use looking for sleep - you would not find it.<br/>You stood up, the blankets still wrapped around you, and sat down on the stone steps of the temple, your gaze raised to the great opening of the ravine that opened above your home. For a fraction of a second you missed the company of the pirate, but you quickly repressed that. You did not miss him - you just hated the loneliness.<br/>Sure, having a whole empire just for yourself could be nice, but it was terrible at the same time. No one to talk to, listen to, or just a little company. You hung your head and closed your eyes - what would you give to get off this island.<br/>But all boats were intercepted by Vaas and his crew and the mercenaries ruled the airspace over Rook Island with the helicopters. This island was both a fortress and a prison.<br/>You looked sadly at the ground and with your foot you pushed a small pebble back and forth.<br/>You were trapped here.<br/><br/></p><p><br/>A few days later you dared to go to the surface of the island - because you had to. Your vegetables were very tasty, but you longed for protein and so you dared to go fishing. The excitement about your escape should have died down by now, because the pirates had the attention span of a tomato. Anything that didn't have to do with money and hookers soon didn't matter. They were predictable, luckily for you.<br/>YOU didn't meet a hated man with a gun and a red shirt on your little mission and you were able to fish in peace. You had gotten hold of a thick, juicy fish and the thought of the smell of fried fish made your mouth water.<br/>"In three days. Be ready."<br/>You quickly ducked behind a thick fern bush and pressed yourself close to the ground to avoid being discovered. A small group of pirates stood by a small hut that was not being used. They stood in a circle, all of them with a cigarette in the corner of their mouths and looked around stealthily every now and then. You frowned as you peered through between the fern fronds. Was that Jenson you recognized there?<br/>"There will hardly be any men in the camp. I've arranged the patrols so that he has only a handful of men at his side," you heard Jenson say, and a bad suspicion crept over you.<br/>"What if there are more?", a dirty machinist asked, rubbing his neck. "No desire to be executed, eh."<br/>"There will be no one there. We will do it quickly and precisely. Vaas won't notice what hits him," Jenson snarled at him and seemed to give everyone a long and angry look. "And if any of you assholes pinch, I'll kill you myself!"<br/>Your eyes grew large as the small group dispersed and everyone went back to work. You stayed like that for a few more minutes, pressed flat to the ground and clasped your fish tightly. It was an ambush that was planned there! They wanted to kill Vaas!<br/>You were about to get up, sprint to the coast and then swim to Vaas' camp under cover of darkness when something inside you stopped you. If you warned him, he would escape with his life and probably execute Jenson.  He would be safe and would not be killed by these traitors in a few days.<br/>But he was responsible for what happened to you. Something inside of you was stirring, something you had never known before. Contempt for life, the life of Vaas.<br/>Did you really not care if he died?<br/><br/></p><p><br/>Of course you cared. You respected life itself too much to just let him walk into the open blade.<br/>So you squatted now, the fish tucked in your pocket at the edge of his camp in the shadows. You watched the drunken, partying pirates, who had fun with women and didn't pay much attention to their surroundings. In the middle of it all, you could make out Vaas, who was talking cheerfully with Jenson. Your fingers were digging into the straps of your bag when you saw the traitor talking so casually to the pirates' boss. If only Vaas knew what was really slumbering in his deputy.<br/>It took what felt like hours until Vaas got up, threw his empty beer bottle on the floor and stumbled to the fence to relieve himself.<br/>"Vaas!", you hissed out of the shadow and stepped a few millimeters closer to the light. Puzzled, he looked around to see where the voice was coming from and discovered you.<br/>God, he was dead drunk.<br/>"What are you doing here?" he asked with a heavy tongue and you shook your head slightly. Why did you decide to help him?!<br/>"I came to warn you. Jenson wants to kill you! I've seen him talking to many pirates in the jungle," the words gushed out of you and Vaas looked back for a moment to see if someone was watching you. But it was a hilarious party and nobody took any notice of you.<br/>"That's a strong accusation," the pirate slurred and looked at you suspiciously. "Jenson's a good guy."<br/>"He's not. He will kill you," you repeated, but you knew it would be useless. He was too drunk to take you seriously. You sighed heavily and turned to leave.<br/>"I warned you," you growled to him and Vaas threw himself against the fence.<br/>"Wait!"<br/>"What else?" you hissed sourly, but his brown eyes looked at you curiously and with a glitter.<br/>"Why do you help me?"<br/>You hesitated - that was really a good question. Why did you hesitate? You didn't really know yourself, you confessed to yourself. So you just shrugged your shoulders and disappeared into the depths of the night, while Vaas stared after you.<br/><br/></p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. He's coming for your life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Vaas breath went heavy and stumbling as he ducked away under a large fern frond and almost tripped. But he quickly regained his balance. He wanted to look back over his shoulder, but before he could look for his pursuers, he felt a blinding pain in his left upper arm. He groped for the source and could feel warm blood between his fingers. A clean through shot. But on the run he couldn't do much about it, just grit his teeth and hope that he would find a hiding place soon.<br/>Because you were fucking right. Jenson, the rotten traitor, had ambushed Vaas into his own camp and secured his place as leader. He was able to clear things up with Jenson, that wouldn't be too much of a problem - at least he hoped.<br/>But that you were right and had announced this betrayal annoyed him. He hadn't taken you seriously and now this. Now he was running through the jungle, a bullet wound in his arm and hunted by his own people. What would he do to be safe underground, with you in the temple, and have that wound taken care of!<br/>"Vaas?!"<br/>For a split second he saw your big, surprised eyes, then he crashed into you and you both landed headfirst in the next bush.<br/>"Vaas, what the dear-" He held your mouth closed and pulled you towards him, tight to the ground. Both of you heard voices and screams at a distance, which seemed to come closer.<br/>"You won't believe-," he whispered to you. "Jenson's a fucking asshole!"<br/>You looked at him with a bitter angry look and pulled his bloody hand out of your face. Disgusted, you wiped the back of your hand over your mouth and snorted angrily.<br/>"Are you serious?", you hissed at him, but then listened intently to the pirates coming closer and closer. Your eyes fell on his upper arm, in which a deep wound gaped. You reached for it and he flinched under your touch, but an angry look from you was enough to keep him still.<br/>"Smooth through, huh?" you growled and were about to rummage in your pocket for a suitable herb when you stopped. This was probably not the right place to doctor him - again.<br/>"Not here. Come." You stood up and gave him the sign to follow you.<br/>Both of you simply through the bushes of the jungle, careful not to make a sound. So far so good, quiet was not a problem - until you heard a wild bark. Dogs!<br/>Your eyes fell on Vaas arm and the small, delicate blood trail he left behind.<br/>"Shit!" You grabbed him by the red shirt and pulled him with you into a fast sprint along the coast. "The dogs have your scent!"<br/>The barking and howling of the dogs became louder and louder and the hairs on your neck stood up - they had to be close. But where to flee to? The dogs would catch up with you very soon and far and wide there seemed to be no hiding place that would be of any use to you.<br/>Your companion seemed to think the same, for he stopped and looked over the edge of the cliff where you were moving. You followed his gaze down to the sea, which crashed against the cliff wall.<br/>"Don't you dare," you started, but after a shot from the jungle just missed you, Vaas grabbed you by the arm and jumped without heeding your objections.<br/><br/></p><p>Snorting and panting, you gasped for breath, but then looked around for Vaas. He swam a few meters beside you, jaws pressed together in pain. Swimming with the wounded arm was certainly not very pleasant, you thought to yourself and quickly swam over to him.<br/>"Over there," you growled to him and the two of you worked your way through the crystal-clear waves to the shadow of a deep cave just below the cliff. It was hard to hold on to the cold, slippery stone wall, but you had no choice but to use the small halt to wait until the air was clear. You gave Vaas a quick glance, but he was still grinding with his jaw, silent with pain.<br/>You heard shouts and more barking, but then the sounds of your pursuers slowly faded away. Another change of sight on your part and you made your way to shallower waters to the north, where an ascent to the cliff was possible.<br/>You could hold on to a liana and pull yourself up to the first heel of the rock that separated the land from the sea. You were followed by the pirate, whom you helped up. He groaned heavily under his bleeding arm. You paused briefly, asking if you wanted to help him again. Normally, he would never in his life let you help him, he was much too proud for that. But he leaned against the cool stone wall, his eyes closed and forced himself not to suffer too much. You sighed briefly, pulled a scarf from your shoulder bag and tied it tightly around his wound. He flinched briefly and avoided looking at you. You wanted to ask him what exactly had happened, but that had time. Vaas needed antibiotics or something similar so that the bullet wound could not get infected. In that case he would lose the whole arm or even die.<br/>For a moment you looked around and pulled a small folded card out of your pocket. One look at your compass and you knew where you were.<br/>"We are in the northwest. Very north. The botanist lives just above us." You pointed up to the edge of the cliff, which you could only see from below from your vantage point directly on the cliff face.<br/>"Perhaps he has medicine."<br/>Silence.<br/><br/></p><p>"Dr. Earnhardt?," you shouted into the greenhouse, but there was no response. "Hello?"<br/>Only when you had taken a few steps inside the small building did the botanist look out from the back of the greenhouse behind the partition wall and frown. You could already see from a distance that he had once again experimented with his mushrooms.<br/>"Agnes," he greeted you confusedly and paused briefly. "Where is your mother?"<br/>You sighed - you hated it when he didn't know what reality was. That his wife was dead he only knew occasionally and more and more often the old man seemed to take refuge in his drug fantasies - but who could blame him.<br/>"Don't call me that," you rebuked him and nodded to his apartment building, a beautiful old villa.<br/>"Can I stay at your place for the night? I have an injured man with me."<br/>The doctor looked at you confused and his spongy look went over to Vaas, then back to you.<br/>"You've always liked bringing injured animals home," he said, looking away from the greenhouse window. "Even when you were very little, Agnes."<br/>"Whatever," you growled, but took his babbling as permission and led the injured vaas to the house to lead him through the chaos up to the second floor, where the bedrooms were laid out.<br/>The pirate gave you an irritated look when you entered the children's room. It was all dusty and hadn't been used for ages - a doll's house, storybooks and cuddly teddy bear. You shook your head gently to make it clear to Vaas that this was not a nice story.<br/>You treated his wound professionally - cleaned it and wrapped a decent bandage around it. Then you healed a few pills in front of his nose.<br/>"You have to take these, otherwise it might get infected," you explained and nodded in the direction of the hall. "The bathroom is around the corner to the left. Without water they will go down badly."<br/>He was still silent, not a word came out of his mouth - but he did as he was told. Had he finally accepted you and even respected you? Hm, maybe it was just the biting pain - a bullet wound through the muscle must have hurt pretty bad.<br/>You heard the squeaking of the tap from the bathroom and sat down on the bed with an exhausted sigh. You reached for the brown teddy bear and stroked gently over the dull button eyes. With a quick sideways glance to the door you made sure that Vaas was not back yet and pressed your nose into the bear's fluffy fur. You sucked in the all too familiar scent of the stuffed animal and closed your eyes. He still smelled just like he did then.<br/>"Who are you really?"<br/>Vaas leaned against the door frame, his brown eyes fixed on you. You flinched a little, but after a few seconds you returned his gaze.<br/>"Who do you think I am?", you asked evasively, but you already knew what was coming.<br/>"I think that you are his daughter." He was serious, so serious. Otherwise he had always had a cheeky grin on his lips. You didn't like it that he was so serious.<br/>You nodded.<br/>"I am."<br/>Your eyes were dull with pain when you thought of the day the tiger had torn your mother. You remembered that day all too well. The most horrible day of your life.<br/>"You may know who I am," you said softly. "But I also know who you are. And I know we've known each other a long time."<br/>Your eyes stabbed deep into his, and you pierced him with your gaze. Fear flew over his facial expressions, but he caught himself again immediately.<br/>A deep silence fell over you as he sat down next to you on the little crib.<br/>"Jenson will pay for this."<br/>"I told you so, but you wouldn't listen."<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The evil we see and the evil we do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a very uncomfortable silence between you and nobody really knew what to say. What a strange situation, you thought. Not long ago you were sitting in your hiding place, surrounded by your vegetable patches and your only friend was Noir. And now you sat in that horrible house, with your horrible memories and Vaas as your closest confidants. If someone had told you that, you would have laughed so hard you probably would have fallen over - and now you were here.<br/>"And now?", you asked quietly in the silence. Silence.<br/>His silence seemed so unnatural to you. You had got to know his nature and it was an understatement to say that he was a complicated soul. On the one hand, he was a psychopathic, violent and uncontrollable person - on the other hand, he was now calm and quiet, just staring into nothingness. He seemed to be thoughtful. Did he only now realize what had happened? That Jenson, his deputy, had betrayed him and literally walked over dead bodies on the road to power. Not to mention the painful bullet hole in his upper arm. Then the question arose: How much could a soul actually endure? When was the measure full and a mind began to tilt and twist and end up in a single chaos? You knew that Vaas could not have always been like that - once he had certainly been an ambitious young man, a young and promising warrior of the Rakyat. But now - now he was broken. You could feel that, deep in your chest. This man was not a warrior, he was a desperate child with a weapon, fighting for love. You felt pity for him.<br/>"I'm gonna kick Jenson's ass." His voice was cold and he got up from the bed. He looked up at you and to your surprise, he reached out his hand to help you up. After a second of hesitation, you grabbed it and he pulled you into a standing position. He let go of you and cleared his throat slightly.<br/>"What's the fastest way to get to the northeast of the island undetected?" he asked you. You thought for a moment and decided on your own preferred way of locomotion.<br/>"The tunnel systems underneath the island," you explained and thought for a moment. "I will go with you. They lead directly to my home and from there I can explain the rest of the way."<br/>He nodded and with an uneasy feeling in your heart you followed him down the stairs to the first floor of the house. Was this feeling a bad premonition?<br/><br/></p><p>It was much too dark for the two of you to see anything. You knew every tunnel on this island, but you couldn't say the same about your companion. Behind you, you could hear fathers stumbling and cursing softly - and rightly so, because in the tunnels you couldn't see your hand in front of your eyes.<br/>Without further ado you made a decision and reached for his hand in the darkness. He seemed to be a little irritated, but did not resist. Silently, you led him past rocks and deep tunnels. You continued to be silent, only the sound of water breaking through the silence. A waterfall had to be close by, not too far away from you. You pricked up your ears and sucked in the musty smell around you, but still you could not smell any water.<br/>"It is still a little further...", you muttered, more to yourself than to your companion. You felt Vaas loosen his grip in your hand and a stab of bitter disappointment passed through you. Was this intimacy too much for him? Did he want to let go? You wished he would not. But what could you do about it? Just press his hand all the harder?<br/>But contrary to your fears, he didn't let go of you - his fingers got caught between yours and your tender, somewhat shy touch became romantic. You gently responded to the pressure of his hand and had to take a deep breath, because this relationship had just taken on a whole new meaning. A heavy relationship, crushed by responsibility.<br/><br/></p><p>"There's light over there!" You pulled Vaas a bit energetically with you when you could see the glow of weak light. The sound of water also became more audible and when you both turned the next corner, you recognized the source of light. You felt Vaas pause for a moment when he saw the big cave you both had now entered. You knew this area and it was as beautiful as it was dangerous - many of these plants were deadly if eaten.<br/>"Are these mushrooms really glowing or am I high," you heard a sarcastic growl behind you and you couldn't help but laugh softly. You gave Vaas an amused look, which he returned with an amused sparkle in his eyes.<br/>Hundreds of delicately glowing mushrooms were growing in the shallow cave. Bioluminescence was a rare phenomenon, even in such exotic latitudes as these. The soft light made your further way clearly visible and you were sure that you did not have to guide Vaas now - but you refused to let go of his hand. His skin was rough - but warm and it soothed you in a strange way you had never really felt before.<br/>But he didn't seem to want to let go of you either. His grip actually got a little tighter and he pushed himself close to your side, so that your shoulders rubbed against each other as he walked.<br/>You could feel him giving you furtive looks from the side. There was a strange crackling in the air and you couldn't help smiling. But the uneasy feeling in your chest remained.<br/><br/></p><p>"What do you want to do now?"<br/>You both sat on the steps of the temple and ate a colorful mixture of fruits to regain your strength. You had renewed the bandage of his wound and had taken good care of it. It had to hurt quite a lot, but he didn't let on - what else could you expect from him.<br/>"I will kill him," came his cool reply. You threw him a quick glance from the side, but said nothing about it. You were well aware that this vendetta would end in bloodshed. And you were not quite sure if you wanted to help him. Your respect for life was still an integral part of your being, but your contempt for Jenson seemed to gain the upper hand in this case.<br/>"Tell me if you need anything," you muttered softly between two bites of mango. How you were able to help him at all was a mystery to you, but this was somehow about the offer of help itself. It was about the principle.<br/>"Maybe I'll come back to that." You nodded silently and threw the last piece of banana noir, which bounced cheerfully back and forth between you. A strange crackling sound was in the air again and you were unsure how to deal with it. Such a situation was completely unknown to you, so how did you deal with it? How could you ease or completely dispel such a strange tension? It was one big mystery to you.<br/>Instinctively, you leaned aside and looked for support on Vaas' shoulder. Your heart began to pound nervously in your chest and you feared for a moment that he would elude you. But he did not. He calmly took your head on his shoulder and didn't even react to it - which somehow calmed you down.<br/><br/></p><p>You had picked out some paper and a pen from your knickknacks and together you were making a rough plan of Vaas' island. He was calm and determined, which worried you a little. He radiated a destructive energy, which made the hairs on your neck stand up. And at the same time it made you very curious. If he could focus his full concentration and energy on something like revenge, was it possible that he could focus on something positive with such enthusiasm?<br/>"There will be some people on his side. You will have to expect resistance," you said quietly and looked up at him. His brown eyes stared thoughtfully at the small paper and he rubbed his neck. He seemed to be lost in thought and you would have been fascinated by this spectacle if you didn't know that this was a planned murder.<br/>"Do you have to kill him?", you asked cautiously and his eyes wandered up to you.<br/>"Yes."<br/>"But why?" I hope you didn't make him angry with your questioning.<br/>"You do not understand."<br/>You sighed heavily and nodded sheepishly.<br/>"You are right. I really don't understand." The uneasy feeling in your chest grew into a desperate sting. You came from two completely different worlds that could not be more different.<br/>"Pájarito, look at me."<br/>You looked straight into his brown eyes and sighed again.<br/>"What does it mean?"<br/>"Pájarito?" You nodded.<br/>"Roughly translated, it means little bird." He took your hand and squeezed it gently. "It's a pet name when you like someone."<br/>"Do you like me?"<br/>He shrugged his shoulders.<br/>Well, that wasn't a no.<br/><br/></p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. It brings out the beast in me and you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I don't want these things in my home!" Angrily you sparkled at Vaas, who leaned annoyed against one of the stone pillars of the temple, next to him a dirty sports bag - full to the top with weapons.<br/>"Don't get so upset! They want to kill you too!"<br/>You groaned angrily and kicked a bowl lying on the floor. The good thing crashed against the next wall, but that did not calm you down in the least. It made you furious that he had brought a bunch of weapons into your home just like that. And he hadn't even asked before!<br/>"These things will get out of here," you hissed angrily and stared into Vaas' eyes, trying to be as convincing as possible. But his gaze was rebellious and a bit scornful.<br/>"And how will you defend yourself against Jenson's dogs? Do you want to kick them in the shins?" He came a step towards you with cold, piercing eyes. Away was the fleeting romance between you, replaced by fear and suspicion. Your stomach cramped up when you realized that this would probably never have a future. He had to leave.<br/>"These guns are disappearing. Now." You, too, took a step closer and anger and rage met. Vaas, betrayed by his own people and you, who had nothing in her life except a few vegetable plants and a great deal of loneliness. Now this charged situation stood in between and a spark would be enough to make the mood explode.<br/>"Don't stand in my way, Pájarito." His voice was dark and serious and you knew: To get his revenge he would go over many, many dead bodies - including yours?<br/>"No guns in my home." You stressed every word, trying to make him understand that there were limits. This was your home, your fortress and he had to follow your rules.<br/>"Don't make me angry." Fear crept up inside you - he meant it. But your own anger inspired you to do a very stupid thing. Only inches separated you from each other and you stared into each other's eyes. Oh, those brown eyes; so full of anger and pain. How could you hate him? He was as lost as you are on this island, just as lonely. But in that moment you despised him.<br/>"And what if I do this?"<br/>He grabbed your wrist with great force and you hissed - he squeezed too hard and the bones of your wrist hurt under his hard grip.<br/>You reacted instinctively and struck with your free hand. A loud clapping and Vaas looked at you with big eyes - and a red mark on your cheek. His surprise gave way to anger and before you knew what you had just done, you knew that you should have left it alone. He pressed you with his body against the next stone wall and pressed the breath out of your lungs. You pulled your knee up between your bodies and kicked him away from you. He began to stagger, but immediately he recovered and threw himself on you. You swerved and ran off to one of the tunnels leading to the underground systems.<br/>You were scared, very scared. Vaas could be unpredictable and at that moment his anger was focused on you.<br/>You heard heavy steps behind you and just before you reached the passage, he grabbed you by the neck and pulled you around.<br/>"Vaas!", it came out of your mouth choked, but he held you in an iron grip and pressed you close to him, his arm wrapped around your throat. You gasped for breath and panic flooded your brain. You tried to free yourself from him and tugged at his hands, but he held you firmly.<br/>"I can't breathe," you gasped anxiously and tried desperately to kick him, to bite him. Anything.<br/>He loosened up a little so you could breathe. He waited a few seconds until you gave up your desperate fight against him.<br/>"Let me go!" you hissed angrily, but he shook his head. Slowly he pulled you down until you both sat on the dirty floor, silent and angry at each other. The tension was still omnipresent and made your hands tremble. Would he have killed you when the going got tough? You didn't know and you weren't so sure if you wanted to know the answer to this question.<br/>He breathed shallowly from the sprint and you also took a deep breath to get your breath back. Tears were running down your cheeks - it was all too much. Your world collapsed on them and you would give anything to be able to just run away. But how could you run away when you were stuck on a damn island?<br/>You sobbed deeply and leaned your back against Vaas' upper body. His stranglehold became an embrace, gentle and asking for forgiveness.<br/>"I have to kill him," he whispered to you and you nodded, with thick tears rolling down your cheeks.<br/>"I know," you replied in a husky voice. With the back of your hand you wiped away the tears and nestled your head against his chest. He put his chin down on your head and took a deep breath.<br/>"I must go."<br/>"Yes, you do."<br/>He stood up, pulled you up off the floor and looked into your eyes for a brief moment. You felt the crackle between you and for a split second you almost gave in to the temptation to close your eyes and kiss him. But you escaped that temptation and took a step back. No, you were not even allowed to think about something like that. It was time to decide how this thing should end. It was clear that he was not a man to fall in love with. He was a psychopath and probably not even capable of something like love. So, why pointlessly place hopes in something that would never work anyway?<br/>He turned away, grabbed the gym bag full of guns and gave you one last, serious look.<br/>"Vaas-" you started, but then hesitated. He gave you a questioning look.<br/>"I... Please... Please don't die," you brought out quietly and stared at the floor. You wrung your hands and avoided his gaze at all costs. Some time ago you asked yourself the question whether his life was worth anything to you - today you knew the answer to that question.<br/>"I'll take care of myself," you heard his answer and the uneasy feeling became even more intense. He did not look back, but left without another word.<br/>You stand motionless, in the glow of the afternoon sun that fell in through the opening in the ceiling. Your heart became heavy.<br/><br/></p><p>You lay awake for a long time in the night, tossing and turning on your bed of blankets and cushions, staring at the entrance of the temple. Loneliness gnawed at you and did not let you sleep. You could no longer bear to be alone. You used to need only yourself and your plants - and now you lay here, close to tears and almost insane with endless loneliness. Worry drifted in your mind and you wondered if Vaas would die trying to take his place as leader of the pirates again. What did it mean to you if he was dead? Back to the old, lonely life probably.<br/>You sighed softly, threw your blanket back and rose. You sat down on the old stone staircase, your eyes fixed on the stars. Silently, you wondered whether the starry sky was as beautiful from other places. You knew nothing but this island, had only seen illustrations in books that made you dream. New York, Bangkok, Paris and Rome - how you would love to visit these places - and be far away from this terrible island, your terrible paradise. A not so golden cage.<br/>"Don't make that face."<br/>You looked up, eyes wide with surprise. Vaas leaned against a stone pillar, hidden deep in the shadow, watching you the whole time.<br/>"You are alive." Hiding your joy, you rose and tried to appear as composed as possible. You would have loved to hug him, because you were really happy that he was still alive.<br/>"Jenson increased the security." He came closer, just a few steps. "I can't get into the camp alone."<br/>You nodded understandingly and stepped a pebble aside - embarrassed and not sure what to say. He came a little closer and stood right in front of you. You swallowed.<br/>"I need you," he said softly and your heart stopped for a moment. "You have to take out the guards."<br/>Your heart started again and annoyed you groaned.<br/>"I won't kill anyone," you hissed and rolled your eyes. "That's not my way!"<br/>"You shall not kill them, only put them out of action," he replied and threw a knowing look at you. "You are a botanist. You know which plants are poisonous and which are not."<br/>"I should poison them? And how should I do that?", you asked suspiciously and crossed your arms. How did he imagine this again?<br/>"The food supply is unguarded in the evening, especially when there is a party. You sneak in, poison the food, and be out before anyone notices you."<br/>"Well, how am I supposed to get in? Walk happily in through the main gate?"<br/>He shrugged, "Dressed as a stripper."<br/>You looked at him with your mouth slightly open, unable to react appropriately. He seemed to notice that his idea hit granite and looked down. You leaned forward a little so that your faces were only a few centimeters apart.<br/>"Never!", you breathed into his ear and sat down again on the stone stairs, your arms still crossed in front of your chest - and defiantly.<br/>"Find your own way to get in," you growled annoyed and put your chin on your bent knees. "I won't be a part of this!"<br/>He hesitated briefly, but then sighed up in annoyance and sat down next to you.<br/>"Listen, Pájarito," he began and rubbed his neck - the situation seemed uncomfortable to him. "I could manage this action alone, yes. I'll just go to Hoyt and sort it out with him. But I don't want that. Then I would lose face in front of everyone: the pirates, the mercenaries and Hoyt. Nobody's gonna respect me anymore."<br/>"I know that," you replied angrily, looking him in the eye. "And that's your fucking problem! It's not mine."<br/>He nodded, understanding. You were right.<br/>"And yet-," you went on, shook your head slightly and your gaze went up to the beautiful starry sky above your heads, which could be seen through a crack in the stone ceiling. "Nevertheless I can't get rid of the feeling that all this is my problem too. Just because it is your problem."<br/>You looked at him again, right into those deep, brown eyes. Affection rolled over you and you convinced yourself that it was because of this romantic starry night. A wonderful lie to yourself - the truth was that you liked Vaas. Very much so. Why, you did not realize. It was just like that, without any particular reason.<br/>"Pájarito." He grabbed your neck and kissed you, out of nowhere. Surprised, you flinched a little, insecure and scared like a young deer. He paused briefly, his breath was hot on your lips. You hesitated. Something in your chest pulled at you, screamed and kicked around not to do it - not to get involved with Vaas.<br/>He left you and sought your gaze, questioning. You looked up at him apologetically and he pressed a tender, noncommittal kiss on your forehead.<br/>"No hay problema," he whispered to you and his hand slipped from your neck and he finally released you from his grip. He seemed a little disappointed and self-conscious that you had blocked him and a guilty conscience spread through him. He had not meant it badly, on the contrary.<br/>Gently you put a hand on his chin and turned his face towards you.<br/>"I will help you."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. It takes a turn for the worst</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You done?"<br/>You looked up, Vaas stood above you and watched attentively what you were doing. Above your hands were gloves and you had wrapped yourself from top to bottom so as not to get a scratch from this plant. In front of you was a mountain full of small branches with juicy green oval leaves and small fruits containing the seeds of the plant.<br/>"Don't come too close," you warned your accomplice and plucked the leaves from the branches with the utmost care. Milky white juice came out and you caught it in a small bottle.<br/>"Antiaris toxicaria," you explained to him. "Or Upas, too. Absolutely deadly if it enters the bloodstream, so a single scratch is enough."<br/>He crouched down next to you and looked at the poisonous leaves.<br/>"I thought you didn't want to kill anyone?"<br/>"I won't." You gave him a quick look. "But I know I can't stop you."<br/>"Smart girl, learn."<br/>You snorted scornfully, but continued your work and filled the small bottle with the milky white sap of the plant. You closed the bottle very carefully, grabbed the remains of the plant and let it disappear into one of the deep holes in the bottom.<br/>"You should rub your knife with it. Even if you only hurt someone, it will be fatal."<br/>"Why are you suddenly helping me?"<br/>His question hit you a bit unexpectedly - you didn't have an answer. So you just shrugged your shoulders wordlessly and hoped that he wouldn't ask any more questions. Yes, why did you help him anyway?</p><p><br/>"Are you hungry?"<br/>"No."<br/>You nodded and ate the rest of the banana by yourself, in silence. A queasy feeling rumbled in your stomach, but you ignored it. Was it a dark premonition? Or could it have been due to Vaas, who was sitting only a few centimeters next to you?<br/>The silence between you was tense and everyone was thinking. What would await you, what would your plan be, and more importantly, would one of you die trying to overthrow Jenson? You wondered what would happen if Vaas died. It wouldn't leave you cold, that much was clear.<br/>"Are you afraid?" You looked at him and found his brown eyes looking at you questioningly.<br/>"Of course I'm afraid," you replied quietly and watched Noir jumping up and down happily at your feet. "Aren't you?"<br/>He shook his head.<br/>"I haven't been afraid for years," he confessed and rubbed his neck. The conversation seemed to become uncomfortable for him. You too, if you were honest with yourself.<br/>"Fear is important. Fear protects you from death," you said.<br/>"I am not afraid to die."<br/>You looked up, looked at his face. Would he really go that far and die trying to regain his rank? Was it so important to be leader of a bunch of pirates who had nothing to do but kill, drink and grope women?<br/>"Is that what you want?" you asked quietly.<br/>"To die?"<br/>"Yeah."<br/>He sighed, hesitated - and then nodded.<br/>"Maybe, yes."<br/>"But why?" you followed suit and shook your head in disbelief. "How can you be so indifferent to life? I've spent two thirds of my life down here between stones and plants and yet I have no suicidal urge. Otherwise I would have simply thrown myself off the cliff. Why do you despise life so much?<br/>"I don't," he replied dryly, looking at you piercingly. "I just appreciate it in a different way than you do. You think all life is connected and sacred, but from my point of view - and believe me, I worry about it more than you might have guessed - from my point of view I am the linchpin of this world. I am the center of my universe. I value my life because I know that it will be short. That is the law on this island."<br/>You press your lips together. You were surprised how he thought. That he cared so much about this world after all. And damn it, he wasn't that wrong.<br/>"Everyone has to carry his own past," you whispered and watched as Vaas got up from the stone stairs and stretched himself extensively. Out of the corner of your eye you saw the tension in his muscles and melancholy seized you. What would you give to be in the skin of another person and not in this hole, socially stunted and unable to ever lead a normal life.<br/>"Do you sometimes wish you were someone else," you whispered, burying your face in your hands. A pure, dark wave of despair came over you and for a moment you wondered if this would be a suicide mission.<br/>"Bullshit", it came from Vaas and you realized that his deep 5 minutes seemed to be over again. With a snivelling look at your feathered pet, you lifted yourself up and tightened your shoulders.<br/>"Time to kill Jenson," you murmured to yourself and went to the temple to change. In your comfortable clothes, a cloak-and-dagger operation would be difficult.<br/>You tossed Vaas an old leather jacket you had kept. Years ago you had stored this jacket in the depths of your temple, you never really knew what else you could use.<br/>He eyed the dusty garment, but threw the jacket over himself and waited for you at the entrance of the temple, shouldering the bag full of weapons.<br/>You yourself had thrown yourself into leather clothes - much more robust than your otherwise loose and airy cloth clothes. What did they usually wear during a raid, you asked yourself silently. You couldn't think of anything suitable except black and practical - you didn't know anything about such things.<br/>"Ready?", asked Vaas and examined you extensively. You nodded sheepishly, not quite sure if you were really ready. Could one be ready to die?<br/>"Here we go."</p><p><br/><br/>You two sat in the bushes of a big fern, huddled close together and only a few meters away from the center of the party. The music was booming in your ears and there was partying, groaning and drinking. You both watched the pirates attentively, had a place ingeniously designed in advance.<br/>The first pirates would come to you in the shadows if they wanted to relieve themselves and when the number of pirates had decimated it was time to strike. That was the plan.<br/>You felt his breath on your skin and the tension in his muscles. Your thoughts were focused on the coming events of this night.<br/>The plan was in place.<br/>The plan was good.<br/>"Pájarito."<br/>"Hm?"<br/>"I'm so sorry about this."<br/>You froze, 'cause the last time you heard those words come out of his mouth, he'd slammed your head against a stone wall.<br/>"Vaas-," you started, but he grabbed you roughly by the neck and pushed you out of the bushes into the main square of the camp.<br/>You stared into many surprised eyes and within seconds several dozen weapons were pointed at you.<br/>Vaas used you as a diversion and threw you to the pirates.<br/>Once again he had betrayed you.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Fear the demon in me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Pájarito."<br/>"Oh no!" you hissed poisonously. "No, no, no! Don't give me that!"<br/>You clumsily rose and looked out the small crack of the window into the night. Vaas stood at the window and gave you a cheerful look. Did the guy still have some nerve?!<br/>They had thrown you into the same little shithole as when you were first captured. Meanwhile the pirates lay drunk in the area and slept, only a few were awake - but they were also drunk as hell.<br/>Now you sat in that damn hole and waited for the next day so they could torture you again.<br/>"I'm going to kill you," you hissed, beside yourself in rage. "I'll castrate you, you motherfucker!"<br/>"Such words from your fine mouth," he teased you and grinned broadly. "Don't give me a heart attack of anger. It was planned.<br/>"I don't give a shit. You sparkled at him angrily and he rolled his eyes - if this concrete wall wasn't between you, you'd fucking kill him!<br/>"I needed a distraction," he explained and nodded at you urgently. "Look in your pocket."<br/>Suspiciously, you reached into the pocket of your jacket and pulled out a remote detonator to your own amazement.<br/>"What the-"<br/>"I smuggled it under", he confessed to you with a proud undertone. "For the C-4."<br/>"For the what?!"<br/>"C-4. I put it on all the buildings while they were distracted by you. And the door of this shithole, of course."<br/>You looked at him, puzzled, confused, still foaming with rage.<br/>"You deliberately used me as a distraction? Couldn't you at least have let me in on it?!" you hissed and tears of anger gathered in the corners of your eyes.<br/>"It had to look real." He shrugged his shoulders. You wished there was some C-4 on him - you would press the red button on the remote control without hesitation.<br/>"Fine", you tried to pull yourself together. After all, you seemed to be the adult here. "What's the rest of the plan?"<br/>"Push the button. Then aim and fire." He pulled the window open a little further and shoved a loaded AK-47 through the opening. "Oh, close your eyes when you push the button, or you'll get splinters in your eye from the door."<br/>"Wonderful," you growled sarcastically and crept into the farthest corner of the room, as far away from the door as possible. After a short eye contact to Vaas, he nodded and you closed your eyes.<br/>"I hate you."<br/><br/></p><p>Several successive explosions were heard and you had to duck to avoid being hit by parts of the door.<br/>After the first dust had settled, Vaas came in and looked at you wondering if everything was okay. You walked up to him, anger was building up inside you - and you punched him in the face with your fist.<br/>"Asshole," you growled at him and raised your gun. "Come on, this son of a bitch isn't going to die by himself!"<br/>With his mouth open, Vaas stopped for a second and he clearly felt his blood boiling - God, you were so sharp when you were angry.<br/><br/></p><p>"Left, 11 o'clock", you shouted to your partner and with two clear shots you killed a pirate who was coming straight at you. He fell to the ground and lay motionless. You were surprised yourself how little you cared at that moment. A cold attacked you, an indifferent calmness. Your anger made you strong, fast and alert. You aimed, aimed and pulled the trigger. Like on an assembly line. Out of all the holes crawled the pigs dressed in red, who had mistreated you so badly during your first stay as a prisoner. In cold blood, you killed one after the other, walking step by step up to the big warehouse, which used to be the retreat of Vaas. Jenson had to be there and he would wait. Wait for Vaas and challenge him to a duel. You didn't care how it would end - as long as it ended tonight.<br/>After a few minutes the camp was overcrowded with corpses and pirates who hadn't taken Jenson's side. Some of them were intimidated because Jenson had won two-thirds of the men for himself - but now they stood by Vaas. Whether out of loyalty or fear, you didn't know that. For what would happen to the remaining traitors once Jenson was dead? If you had to guess, you'd probably bet on execution.<br/>"He's in there," you whispered to your companion and shouldered your AK-47. You did not recognize yourself. Had life lost all its sanctity and sanctity? You didn't want to kill anybody and now you were standing here up to your knees in corpses, so to speak.<br/>You spat on the ground and looked at vampires who were rubbing their necks. He threw you a fleeting glance and you almost believed that there was something wistful in it. Did he want to kiss you again?<br/>"You didn't want to kill anyone," he said softly to you and waited anxiously for your answer. You looked at him coldly and shook your head.<br/>"You literally rushed into my life, I became a father twice - father, twice! - captured and tortured and almost died several times." You sparkled at him, but would have preferred to scream. "And all this since I have known you. Before that I had a pleasant, quiet life. I'm a little troubled, you could say."<br/>He shrugged his shoulders defensively.<br/>"I was only asking, you don't have to be so bitchy about it."<br/>"Fuck you."<br/>He grinned and nodded, took one last look at you and disappeared into the warehouse.<br/>The other pirates around you seemed to be a bit unsure how to deal with you now. After all, you were actually a prisoner.<br/>"Fuck off," you hissed at them and they left to clean up this mess. Everything was full of corpses.<br/><br/></p><p>When you heard a shot from the hall, you shouldered your machine gun and entered with caution. You did not know which of the two was dead, but when you entered the storage area with the car wreckage, your heart stopped for a moment.<br/>Vaas was lying on a hood and blood smeared the car.<br/>"Vaas!" You hurried to him and the first thing you felt was his pulse.<br/>"He is still alive," he gurgled weakly and you pressed your lips together. So it was up to you, huh? You pulled his hunting knife from his belt and looked around furtively. Where was Jenson anyway?<br/>"I got him in the leg. He must not have gotten far," growled your companion and stood up. He held his side and in the pale light of the neon lights you saw only now how badly he was mauled. He was bleeding heavily from his nose and as crooked as he sat there, several ribs must have been broken.<br/>"You got quite a beating," you growled coolly to him, but a little worry clung to your heart. He could have been dead.<br/>He grabbed you by the jacket and pulled you close to him. His hand went into your neck and pulled you down to him.<br/>"You must kill him," he whispered to you and you stared for a second into his brown, pleading eyes. Everything inside you was reluctant to do the dirty work for him now - and yet you nodded. Why did you do that?!<br/>"I owe you a huge favor," you hummed and threw the AK-47 on the floor. This task required skill, because Vaas hadn't gotten very far with brute force. It required a certain amount of deceit and ambush - a real woman's job. You had to have brains, not explosives and ammunition.<br/>"I'll buy you a drink when he's dead," you got a not-so-serious answer and you rolled your eyes. He shouldn't go too far out of the window, because after all he had betrayed you.<br/>Now it was up to you to grab him roughly by the neck and give him a long, warning look.<br/>"If you ever betray me again or withhold anything from me," you said quietly, but with an unmistakable warning undertone. "you will regret it bitterly, bitterly."<br/>"I know," he replied seriously. He actually seemed to understand that he had clearly crossed a line.<br/>"So. Where is that asshole?"<br/><br/></p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. If I had a heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was dark in the back of the warehouse, pitch-black. The blood rushed in your ears and your own heartbeat thundered through your head. Where was he? Where was Jenson hiding?<br/>The rattling of an overturned metal barrel made you sit up and take notice. On your right, something moved in the shadows - a figure. Anger came up inside you and swept over you like a hot, painful wave.<br/>Your head was empty and only one thought dominated you: Kill.<br/>Jenson came shooting out of the darkness like a shadow and would have grabbed you by a hair. But his hand reached into the void where only a fraction of a second before had been your arm. You dodged him and adrenaline shot through your veins. He turned to you, grabbed your arm and wanted to pull you towards him - but you pushed him away from you with all your strength. The two of you stumbled apart, eyes on each other, calculating and judging. You didn't quite know yet how you wanted to do it, but he would give you a chance. If he neglected his guard, it was his end.<br/>Although you had lived lonely for many years, there were dangers in the ruins: Monitor lizards, wild dogs and sometimes even tigers. Especially with the big cats of prey it was a matter of watching and waiting for the right moment. Because if you attacked with bare strength, it went quite wrong and you could lose your life very quickly.<br/>"I'm going to kill you, bitch," Jenson hissed at you and pulled a handgun from his waistband. Instantly - almost instinctively - you took a step towards him, grabbed his wrist and turned it outward, forcing him to drop the gun. You did not know how you knew this trick, but you were relieved that this stupid, courageous move had worked - after all, he could have just shot you.<br/>Your foot slipped between his legs, pulled his left leg away and made him stagger. Your movements were fast and precise - you didn't know yourself when you had learned to fight like that. You lost yourself in every movement, every twitch of your muscles. Pure instinct.<br/>And damn, that was really fun!<br/>You grabbed Jenson by the jacket, turned around with a bounce and stood behind him - one hand on his forehead and the other hand tightly wrapped around Vaas' hunting knife.<br/>"Wanker," you whispered to him and he grabbed your arm and immediately tried to escape and kill you.<br/>In vain. He had greatly underestimated you and all in all, that was the reason for his defeat.<br/>With a disgusting, smacking sound, the knife slid down his throat and a gush of warm blood poured over your clothes. So warm and it stank of iron. It disgusted you, your stomach cramped with disgust. And yet you dropped his lifeless body and with a final impact he fell to the ground. Motionless. Dead.<br/>Your grip around the knife became tighter and you slowly walked out of the shadows - but something of the immense darkness clung to you and settled down, deep inside your head. You had looked into the abyss and the abyss into you.</p><p><br/>Vaas was leaning against one of the crashed cars and holding his side. He seemed to be in pain, but for some reason you didn't care. It was his own fault.<br/>"I'll just guess" He looked at you from his beautiful brown eyes. "He's dead."<br/>You raised your arms, you were covered in blood from top to bottom.<br/>"Whatever gave you that idea?" you snarled and wiped a few drops of tropical blood from your face. He looked at you briefly and caught your gaze. You saw the twitching of his brows and something shimmered in his eyes. He came towards you, stopped just before you and stroked the hair from your face.<br/>"What are you staring at," you growled angrily. He was silent, only looking at you more intensely. He seemed to recognize that killing Jenson had done something to you. It had brought out something in you that you had banished for so long. Everybody had it in them, every person in this world. Black and white. Good and evil. A cliché that was actually just an inconvenient truth.<br/>It is a thin line between black and white.<br/>His look was full of affection for you and the shadows that were awakened in you at that moment. You loved him, in a very special, strange way. It was not a pure romantic love - more a need for him, his presence. Was that really love? Was a psychopath really able to feel such feelings and was he worthy of being given such feelings?<br/>He bent down a little bit to you and kissed you, as if from nowhere. Warm were his lips and you tasted some blood. You fell into the kiss and your hand grabbed him by the neck, roughly and not at all as soft as it would have been your way otherwise. This time you did not flinch, showing no fear or discomfort.<br/>In its own way, this kiss was beautiful and eased your heart, but nothing could undo the past weeks. Anger, fear, torture and betrayal had left their mark on you, and what was once broken could not be restored.<br/>You saw it: Sooner or later everyone was marked by this island. And you were no exception.<br/>You separated from each other and you licked your lips briefly. The kiss was full of gratitude and forgiveness, but left a melancholy aftertaste in both of you.<br/>This one wouldn't work.<br/>You lowered your head, in silent mourning for what might have been.<br/>"Do you love me?" The question stood between you and you were surprised by yourself for asking it. What a stupid question, you scolded yourself and looked questioningly into his brown eyes. He hesitated for a moment, then gently stroked your cheek and shook his head.<br/>"No." He looked sad. "But if I had a heart, I would."<br/><br/></p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Extra: There ain't no turning back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The problem on Rook Island was that sooner or later trouble always found you. And since you weren't a lucky guy anyway, you were lying with your wrists tied up on the floor of a dirty mercenaries' jeep, in the hands of the most dangerous and disgusting men on the island. The pirates were one thing, but the mercenaries were just monsters.<br/>Not that you were careless - just in the wrong place at the wrong time. A wild herd of tapirs had forced you to make a detour. The animals weren't too dangerous, but when they had young, you couldn't fool around with the mother animals. So you had given them a wide berth and had run straight into a gang of mercenaries to your doom. Immediately they had you surrounded, tied up and taken away. You didn't know what exactly they had planned for you, but it couldn't be anything good.<br/>Carefully, you peered over the edge of the loading area as the mercenaries turned their gaze in the direction of travel. Palm trees, a sandy beach and ramshackle sheds rushed past you. Were you able to free yourself? No, the shackles were too tight. There must have been something that helped you escape!<br/>Suddenly another jeep appeared behind the mercenaries. It turned around the last bend you had taken and you recognized the distinctive red. Pirates! Never before had you been so happy to see the pirates! There had been a feud between the two parties for a long time, and even though they were all under Hoyt's command in the end, the pirates were gloating every time they could get the mercenaries.<br/>Concentrated you stared at the jeep following you, raising your upper body slightly to see better. There was only one man in the vehicle - was that Vaas?! He had to be on his way to Hoyt!<br/>A quick glance to the mercenaries who still didn't pay attention to you and were talking about something - the sound of the engine drowned out their words. But if you drew Vaas' attention to you, they would definitely hear it. But it was worth the risk!<br/>"Vaas! VAAS!" Loudly you cried out for him, your own voice booming in your ears and your lungs vibrating. One of your kidnappers immediately turned around and gave you a strong kick in the face, so that you fell silent and with bleeding nose on the floor of the truck. Had he heard you? See you?! You begged for him to hear you!<br/>For some terrible seconds nothing happened, except that your tormentor yelled at you and immediately put his gun to your temple.<br/>A loud bang - was it a shot? - and he fell backwards over the edge of the vehicle into the dust. Immediately the car stopped and the other three mercenaries jumped out, their guns at the ready and shouted something. More shots were fired, but you were distracted by the blood in your throat, which made you cough. It was disgusting to choke on your own blood and tears welled up in your eyes. Your whole body shook with adrenaline, fear and the hope that Vaas would save you from this misery.<br/>It had become quiet and you wondered how it would end. But when you turned your gaze to the end of the loading platform, you saw your salvation.<br/>"Vaas-", his name came trembling over your lips as he pulled you from the back of the truck, cut the shackles on your wrists with his knife and turned your face to him. The brown eyes examined your nose, but it did not seem to be broken. The blood flowed over your chin and messed up your shirt, but it was no big deal. The adrenaline in your veins ebbed away so that your thoughts became clearer and the panic slowly disappeared. Tears were rolling down your reddened cheeks and still a little trembling you couldn't help but shed a deep sob.<br/>"Always in trouble, huh?" he asked softly.<br/>The pirate put one hand on your neck and pulled you into a firm embrace. You pressed your face to his chest, trying to breathe deeply and calm yourself down again. He shouldn't see you so upset, it was uncomfortable for you. But why? After all, you two had already experienced and gone through a lot together - not to forget that you had straightened his broken leg and cared for him.<br/>"Pájarito," he murmured and brushed a loose strand of hair from your face. "Hey, come. Take it easy. Crying doesn't suit you."<br/>You sniffed, nodded and wiped your eyes with your sleeve. He was right, crying like that was not your style. You swallowed hard against the lump in your throat and looked at the mercenaries who were either dead or writhing on the ground in pain.<br/>"What are you doing here anyway? Did you let yourself get caught again like a chicken?" he asked you with a wry grin and you shook your head.<br/>"Wrong time, wrong place," you replied. "I just wanted to go home."<br/>"Let's go to my camp," he suggested, and was about to maneuver you to the jeep, but you stopped where you were.<br/>You shook your head immediately.<br/>"No. You know very well that I don't want to go to your camp. I'm going home."<br/>He pulled a face, thought for a moment - and then shrugged his shoulders.<br/>"So off to your temple, then we'll--"<br/>"Hey- Wait, wait!" you drove right in between. "You're not coming!"<br/>"Why not?"<br/>Good question. Why not? He had been in your home before, for a long time. And often. Because even after your paths had parted, he would visit you sometimes and bring you books, seeds and other small things. Each time, he claimed that he found these things by pure chance in Bad Town or on raids, but you were sure that wasn't the whole truth.<br/>But that brought you back to the reason why you denied him access to your home. You didn't like the fact that your otherwise rather cool relationship was changing. Sure, there had been some romantic moments between you in the past, but you had put a real flirtation out of your mind. It was Vaas, and even though your time together and the adventure that came with it had changed you, you didn't want to be the center of his desire. He was absolutely obsessive when he really wanted something, and in such matters his psychoses came out very clearly. And you, in the eye of the storm? No way!<br/>"You stay right here. Or go back to your camp - I honestly don't care", you said and raised your hands defensively, peeling yourself from his embrace. "But I'm going home now. I'm sure Noir is hungry already."<br/>Without waiting for an answer you turned back, didn't look back and disappeared into the undergrowth of the jungle. Nearby were the remains of a smaller temple and from there a path had to lead to your home. Everything in you drew you back to your home, wanted to curl up under a blanket and caress the soft plumage of your winged friend.<br/><br/></p><p>Vaas stayed behind, on the sandy path and a little perplexed. He did not understand what was going on with you. He had been with you several times before, even bringing you little things now and then, because - yes, why? He had been asking himself that since the first book he threw into one of the little ravines. A few months ago, he had not dared to visit you directly. So he had dropped things into the holes and ravines that he knew led to your home.<br/>By chance he had found a book in Bad Town about half a year ago. It was a story about forbidden love and after he had read half of it - and found it to be bullshit - he sent it to you with a note on the page where he had stopped reading. He had scribbled 'kitschy bullshit' in it, threw it into the hole he had once fallen into, and since then he has been paying attention to the little things his men stole together. He had even found some seeds for herbs, vegetables and flowers and sent them to you in a small bag. In return, he received occasional visits from Noir, who was now trained to have a small bag on his leg. How you could persuade the crow to do something like that was beyond him, but there was always something valuable in the bag. Things you had little use for: Pieces of gold, pearl jewelry and even precious stones. Whenever there was a piece of paper, you either kept it short or asked him to feed Noir with meat. The fine, somewhat too hasty writing was unmistakable and after he had read the notes, he burned them.<br/>No one was to know your secret, because he simply owed it to you. More than once you had saved his ass, so it was appropriate to keep your secret. He kept his men as inconspicuously as possible away from the entrances to the ruins, but he couldn't take care of the Rakyat. But you were not defenseless, he knew that. Your victory over Jenson alone was impressive enough that he still liked to fight you, but he didn't want to overdo it anymore.<br/>Friendship, he thought. Were you his girlfriend? An acquaintance? A buddy with breasts?<br/>He was not sure. He liked you, he really liked you, and kissing you was really good - then this question of whether he loved you. He wasn't sure, but something in him denied it. It was a bad feeling in his stomach, something that made such a connection impossible. He liked you, but he did not love you. Maybe that was the highest level of his feelings. May, but not love.<br/>Still, he could not accept a 'no'. He scratched the earth with the tip of his boot for a moment, but then followed you back and forth into the lush green of the jungle after an inner one.<br/><br/></p><p>Your home was deserted, except for a cheeky snake that had made itself comfortable in your bed. A small strangler snake, absolutely non-toxic but not happy to be removed from the pile of blankets. You wrapped it carefully in a large piece of cloth and carried it a few minutes' walk into one of the tunnels in the rock. There it was able to find a new place for it without it ending up right back in your bed. One night you were gone and the house was occupied!<br/>Noir was jumping up and down on the altar in your 'bedroom', hungry and eager for something good to eat. A reproachful croaking punished you for your long absence and you stroked lovingly over the plumage. Usually he let it get to him, but this time he pinched your finger and cried for food much more urgently. Rolling your eyes you nodded, lit a fire at the altar and pulled some dried meat from your temporary pantry. It was rather a shelf in the only really dry corner of the temple, where you stored your supplies and things like matches, books and seeds.<br/>"Greedy throat," you murmured to the bird as it hastily devoured the pieces of dried tapir you had crushed. "I've only been away one night, so don't pretend to be half-starved!"<br/>You watched in amazement as Noir suddenly began to croak excitedly, puffed up and rushed past you. Vaas appeared at the entrance and immediately took the bird and let it sit on his shoulder. Apparently, your companion had eaten a fool of the pirate, unlike you at that moment.<br/>"Vaas!" you hissed hotly. "I told you not to come down here!"<br/>"And I've decided to ignore that," he said, shrugging his shoulders as he watched Noir tug at his shirt. Anger boiled up inside you as you crossed your arms and went on the defensive. You should have known it!<br/>"I'm very grateful for your help," you said, "but I want you to disappear. Now."<br/>Brown eyes hit yours and you didn't like that cheeky grin at all.<br/>"Nope," he simply replied. Oh, great, he did the petulant boy. Very mature.<br/>"Vaas, see that you gain land," you hissed and sparkled threateningly at him. It was brave and stupid to snap at him like that. Actually, you should know better. To tease the leader of the pirates was stupid, daring and it was probably smarter to step on the tail of a tiger than that. But all you wanted was for him to finally disappear! Of course he had saved you and in that moment he was your hero, but that looked completely different now. You didn't want him near you, his presence narrowed you down. You had helped him and in return he had pulled you into his abyss. Since your paths crossed, you were no longer the same person. Darker, more desolate and almost restless.<br/>It was not the island that poisoned you. It was Vaas who destroyed the island and tore everything around him into this black hole.<br/>"Go, go!" you shouted to him and like hot lava the rage bubbled in your chest. Couldn't he just disappear and leave you alone?! "I don't want you in my home! You fucking stubborn, inconsiderate ass!"<br/><br/></p><p>He thought you were so beautiful when you were angry. He couldn't take his eyes off you as you walked up and down, all excited and scolding like a sparrow. Your rant was entertaining and kind of cute, but the fiery looks of rage were quite something. Vaas leaned at the entrance, arms crossed and watched your every step. From left to right, back and forth. Something about crossing borders, you hissed, but he hardly listened. You tied your hair up in the flood of speech, because it was hanging in your face when you ran around - Oh God, your neck was so seductive. He wanted to desecrate the soft skin, leave bite marks there so everyone could see that you belonged to him. He wanted deep furrows on his back, a work of art from you on his own skin as a sign that only you were good enough for him.<br/>But was he good enough for you? This thought gave him a painful sting. Just as you were probably not getting excited. Keep your distance, those were the last words he could remember. He really should listen to you better, but it was much more tempting to have the view on your collarbone. How did it happen that the most beautiful and erotic parts of a woman were so small and insignificant? Instead of sinking into your neckline, he would much rather run his fingertips over your collarbone, follow it up to your shoulder, down your back...<br/>"Vaas!" His gaze slipped up from the middle of your body, and you looked at him in disgust. "You didn't listen to a word I said, did you?"<br/>"Not really," he admitted, earning an angry look in return and having to avoid one of the books you threw at him. He ducked underneath it, took a step towards you and grinned cheekily.<br/>"Don't act up," he said and you sighed slightly in the face of the brown eyes. "Why are you really angry? Apart from your near-death experience today."<br/>How could you answer him that question if you didn't know it yourself? Looking at him stirred up your anger, kindled the fire in your chest. You wanted to slap him in the face, keep yelling at him or throw him out on his hind legs. Apart from the fact that he would win in a physical confrontation, there was hardly any point. Like a stray dog he would come back to you, try to lull you with little gifts until you surrendered to him. Did he really want to make you the eye of the storm? Did he want you to become the object of his temporary interest?<br/>"I am not your toy," you finally said, whereupon he pulled his brows together under a questioning gaze. You left it at that statement, crossed your arms and turned away from him.<br/>He became impatient. He didn't have time for such childish crap, and above all he didn't have the nerves.<br/>"Toys? What kind of shit are you talking about?" he followed up and had to be very careful not to yell at you. Why he took your statement so personally was not quite clear to him at that moment. Besides, it was not important, he could take care of that later.<br/>"You know exactly what I mean!" You spun around, a defiant twinkle in your eyes. "Trying to win me over with the little niceties, and when you don't like it anymore, you're gone. Thanks, I'll pass!"<br/>"I thought we had made it clear that there was nothing there," he growled, slowly really with his patience at the end. You took a step closer, tried to puff yourself up as threateningly as possible.<br/>"Yes, I thought we had." Your voice was as quiet as his, cool and a little condescending. Brown eyes fixed on you, alert and angry.<br/>"I do not love you." He stressed every word to make it perfectly clear.<br/>"I don't love you either," was your answer, so softly that the words almost drowned in the cackling of the parrots in the entablature.<br/>As his gaze wandered to your lips for the tiniest fraction of a second, you swallowed hard. The tension was unbearable, almost overlaying your anger and indignation. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes to clear your head.<br/>How silly of you.<br/>Rough, strong hands grabbed your neck, pulled you the last centimeters towards it and immediately you pressed your body against Vaas. He kissed you with so much desire and rage that it was perfectly clear to you what the whole thing would lead to. His left hand grabbed you at the waist, pulled you around and pressed you roughly against the stone wall of the temple. The impact on the stone pressed the air out of your lungs, which was only expressed in a soft groan. Definitely a stimulus for Vaas, he deepened the kiss, drove his tongue into your mouth and pressed you even closer to the wall with his body.<br/>Your thoughts screamed at you, tried to counteract the idiosyncratic actions of your body: You could still stop this, you could still push him away and give him a tremendous slap. You were still able to do it, it was not too late--<br/>The inner struggle was interrupted when his hand, without further hesitation, opened your pants and went straight into your underwear. A hoarse moaning escaped you, more out of surprise than pleasure. Wow, take it easy, you thought, but he had no interest in wasting time.<br/>"Vaas-", you tried to bring out, but he nipped your not very convincing protest in the bud by sinking two fingers inside you. In an instant your objections were silenced, instead you lifted your pelvis, pressing yourself more into his touch.<br/>How could something so wrong feel so good? Sex was the last thing you wanted from Vaas, it would only strengthen your connection to each other even more and finally you were the one who wanted to cut it off. He was too dangerous, pulling you further and further down into the depths of his darkness, to the bottom of the sea. But what could you do when you melted away under his skilful hands and begged him with your eyes for more?<br/>His hands let go of your most sensitive parts, grabbed your thighs and lifted you up. Your hands moved over his shoulders, you clawed the back of his shirt and let yourself be carried to the bed so that he would drop you. The cot groaned under the sudden weight, but held on. Immediately he was above you, kissing you demandingly, while a hand went under your top and explored the soft skin of your breasts. In return, you also let your hands move, under the red muscle shirt and over his muscles. Each definition of the hard abdominal muscles sent a new little shiver down your back and you clearly felt his erection on your pelvis.<br/>"Vaas, I-" you started, but he silenced you with a gloomy look from his brown eyes.<br/>"Pájarito," he murmured to your lips. "Trust me."<br/>Were you able to trust him?<br/><br/></p><p>"You cannot come back here," you said softly, your head on his chest and your fingertips on a scar on his belly. You lay in your bed, out of breath, sweaty, yet much more relaxed than before. Much of the anger and tension between you was washed away, but now there was room for a deep, sad feeling. It was not only that a relationship between you would not work - you were not able to be on the same island. You liked Vaas, you really did. But he made you sick. He destroyed you in a profound way and there was no turning back from that abyss.<br/>His hand stroked the naked skin of your upper arm, descended to your waist and he seemed to admire you. Gentle, soft and an absolute contrast to him. Ying and Yang, as they said. Only you didn't fit into each other in a magical, fateful way and everything was fine. Life simply did not play like that.<br/>"I know," he said. "It's just not possible."<br/>With his free hand he ran over his face, seemed to feel the hopelessness of the situation down to his bones.<br/>"Do you regret it?" he asked quietly and you shook your head slightly.<br/>"Don't get me wrong, it was really fantastic. But I don't think it was the best decision of my life."<br/>He wasn't lying. The sex was incredible, you would never have thought he was such a devoted lover. He knew how to pay attention to the signals of your body, was more careful than expected and you would have thought he was selfish - but his hands, his tongue and the fact that he moaned your name hoarsely proved the opposite. But something in you knew that it had been a huge mistake to give in to him. It was not remorse, just... regret. That changed everything between you.<br/>Vaas sighed, pulled you into his arms and pressed a kiss on your forehead. Brown eyes watched you for a few seconds, then he let go of you.<br/>"I will have you taken off the island," he said softly and you looked up at him in astonishment. That was unexpected and more importantly, how was he going to do that? Hoyt's men were monitoring the island very closely. Every boat and every helicopter were watched closely and if the going got tough, they were shot down.<br/>"If anyone can find a way, I can," the pirate boasted and you remained silent. That was a good argument, but your stomach was lurching at the thought of leaving the island.<br/>It was fear.<br/>Fear of the unknown, fear of things worse than Vaas or the mercenaries and fear that you were too destroyed for the world. What if you couldn't find your way? What if the world outside was even more cruel than this island?<br/>But there was no way out.<br/>A small part of you wished that you had let him die back then.<br/><br/></p><p>It was early in the morning when you were standing on the small beach with a big bag, in the background a small boat, just big enough for you and two of his men. The twilight of the island gave the situation a mysterious yet sad note. Fog wafted over the gentle waves and the sky turned the most beautiful shades of purple and pink on the horizon. Vaas had kept his word - a boat, you were provided with money, a passport and a heart full of doubt and regret.<br/>Even if he was evil, the definition of a broken man - you already missed him. His touches last night had made you instantly addicted, you were addicted to his body and the almost animalistic lust that had tempted you more than once. But that was just one more reason to leave and never again to waste a thought on this God-forsaken island.<br/>"Noir is coming with me," you said to Vaas, who stood before you and actually looked a little lost. You took that as a sign of his regret that it had to end this way. "He will starve without me."<br/>The leader of the pirates nodded and briefly explained to you which nearby islands you should stay away from. He hesitated, but then came a step closer and sighed heavily.<br/>"You have no idea how much I wish I could love you," he said, stroking a stray strand of hair from your face with a gentle gesture of his hand and looking into your eyes with a longing look. "Really. I wish it were possible."<br/>"I wish that too," you replied, but you knew that there was no happy ending for either of you. You closed your eyes and he kissed you, too gentle for his otherwise malicious nature. He pressed another small kiss on your lips, a third and a last one on the corner of your mouth.<br/>The parting made you sad, but it was the only way for you both to coexist in this world. Reluctantly you turned away from his embrace, lowered your gaze and went on board. The engine howled, but you dared not look at him anymore. No looking back, hoping to nip the longing for the pirate in the bud.<br/>It was the best, you said to yourself. For everyone. A new life in a new land, far away from the dark undertow of the island and your certain doom in Vaas' arms.<br/>Vaas looked at the boat, tried to burn the color of your eyes into his memory. It was sad that it had to end this way. But there was no other way for him. Just the thought that you would find someone else - maybe even start a family - was unbearable. It was not an option to let you go just like that.<br/>After last night, these claims on you were even stronger, more pressing, and began to poison his thoughts. It was already so bad that he wanted to pull you off this boat only at the thought of your cheeks reddened with lust. To have you with him, to sleep beside you every day and every night, to do everything to hear you laugh.<br/>He couldn't allow the thought of you to further question his goals, his work and his loyalty to Hoyt. He could not afford to question himself.<br/>From his pocket he pulled a small remote control with a toggle switch. The men on the boat were his people, but what were two stooges less!<br/>He pulled out the antenna of the remote control, set the right frequency - and hesitated for a moment. The explosives the boat was loaded with would be enough to make you his forever. Then you were his secret, locked up in his head forever.<br/>He put his head to the back of his neck and took a deep breath.<br/>"Pájarito," he muttered to the sky. "I'm so sorry for what's happening."<br/>He flipped the switch.<br/>If he couldn't have you, no one should.<br/><br/></p>
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